Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Can't Have My Cake & Eat It

Sometimes I want more than what I get, but I know it might not happen.

Sometimes I wish for more, yet somehow I won't get it unless I open my mouth.

Sometimes I hope it'll happen, it doesn't, much to my disappointment.

Sometimes I know I'd be able to find it elsewhere, but I'd lose some things that I previously had.

Sometimes, I just feel like giving up.

Sometimes, I know I can't have the best of both worlds.

Sometimes, it's just horrid.
Moving on to lighter stuff, I started tuition with a K2 kid today. Nice little girl, very eager to learn, so innocent. That look in children's eyes, just takes away negative thoughts. Some cute conversations we had...
Girl: Do you have anything for me to colour?

Me: Yes, we can colour this.

Girl: Let's colour together.

You just go awwwwww...
Me: We are ending the lesson after this.

Girl: SO FAST?!

Well, time passes faster when we are playing games using alphabet cards, over sitting and writing all day. Despite the only three words mastered today in terms of pronunciation and spelling are just "shirt", "mirror" and "cake", I know this will be something I'll look forward to even it offers a lower rate.

The freedom of being a child.

And now I remember how a divorce took place when I was K2, when I was six.

Monday, March 30, 2009

It's One of Those Days...

Just not in tip top condition, just want to talk, just want to ramble.

Or just want to hear other people talk.

Talk to me...
Unwritten Rules

There are unwritten rules to doing things.

If such demeanor is portrayed, I guess people will just automatically drift away. Maybe it is not taken in the personal stride, or one haven't learnt to do so, much as they try to portray the years of wisdom that cannot be acquired overnight, in a few days, a few weeks or even a few months. Seriously, it can be seen as myopic by trying to be someone else.

Why try so hard when it will come naturally?

Drop the facade where you are hiding behind, come out of that shadow you are living in.

This message is dedicated to some people. Don't automatically assume you, as the reader is supposed to get this message. These are just some pent-up frustrations in me for quite a long time that I feel I should let it out. No point internalizing it and making myself miserable by having to keep it all. When we meet stubborn people who take a long time to understand this, it is just annoying.

This is especially to that Toastmaster who thinks he can ALWAYS get what he wants. Now, just get lost you moron.

Sunday, March 29, 2009

A Long Saturday

The day started in the morning with being "tourist for a day." We visited the Marina Barrage, and damn was it a super duper hot day. If you wanna go there, go only in the evenings or risk being toasted alive in the sun. Well, there's nothing much really, or maybe as Singaporean I don't really feel anything other than the engineering feat.

After a filling Japanese meal, it was a straight 3-hour chill before parting ways since I had to babysit in the evening. The parents warned me about the kids being excited about Earth Hour. Ah, from 6pm, we were just waiting for 8.30pm to come while watching Kungfu Panda on DVD. And when the time came, we switched off everything, armed ourselves with torches, and played hide and seek in the dark.

It has been a long time since I had to crack my brain to find places to hide, squeeze myself under a small coffee table in a crouching position, under a computer table, squatting still behind a potted plant or seeking the kids with a torch and having to think where those two kids could hide. I even had to watch not to breathe too loudly in case I was heard! And boy, we did play an entire hour of hide and seek. It was great fun. Just felt like a kid all over again. Guess what? I'm paid to do so. Ha ha. One of the best hiding places, I just laid down beside the coffee table and they took a long time to spot me! "Ready or not, here I come!"

It's amazing what fun we had without electricity. Ah, I love those children.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Roar First, Good Stuff Later

I really couldn't hear you. It's not like you don't know I'll acknowledge even when you tell me the most trivial thing. That tone was unwelcome. Can't I talk on the phone? Just leave me alone at times. I value that kind of personal time, the kind of personal space.

On a happier note, the contest was a good one. We had 6 contestants for each contest, and it was a nice fight. I was busy, but I enjoyed myself yesterday. Maybe partly because I didn't have to do everything myself, and I had a good organizing chairperson.

Well, tomorrow's tutorial day, in the morning again. I wonder what the tutor will do. If it's interesting enough, I might return everyday. Otherwise, like the other tutorials, I'll skip one or two. At the same time, that's the last few tutorials I'm going to attend before the "formal education" ends. So I'll probably just go for all.

Sometimes, perhaps just letting it out before it snowballs could prove to be a better thing than internalizing it. I'm glad I decided to tell you before I blast at you one day.

Tomorrow's is meet-the-bestie-day before she heads to Taiwan for her vacation. Then Saturday is pak-tor day! It's nearing the end of the week once again~.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Daily Ramblings

After turning in late yesterday night, and having to wake up before the break of dawn is trying. I was almost mute in class today except for a little while or a couple of sentences. Knowing that tutoring comes after lessons is worse. I just wanted to go home, slump into bed and snooze like nobody's business. In the end I did snooze, for an hour and a little more before going to tutor that student who left home for a week over a quarrel with her dad.

Today's pretty productive since after I got home, with home-cooked laksa for dinner, managed to complete my reading with much reluctance, prepared certificates for the speech contest tomorrow and amend the program sheet 324094839028 times and yet it's not perfected. I'm lazy to change, so I'll just leave it.

Today's discussion on domestic violence stirred some emotions, not that I'm abused or something, but just something that happens at home. I just found myself clenching my fist after I snapped back to reality. Oh well, that's innate hatred or internalized unhappiness?

I wonder if it's coincidence but after someone tagged my makeover picture on my facebook, suddenly this guy comes along and starts chatting to me after a long time. Well, that picture is idealized, it does not happen everyday in real life, I don't wake up in the morning looking like that. Do you know how much powder was there on my face? Yikes, I don't even want to remember. Seriously, the prettiest person in the world will grow old one day - would you be able to take the wrinkles then?

On a lighter note, I miss him that teeny weeny bit.

Monday, March 23, 2009

Defusing Tense Situations

Today's topic for contention was race and ethnicity. It was heated indeed. While I believed there is a reason for allocating the entire lecture to one social construct, probably for more discussions, yet heated arguments that had some link (or at least how I feel) to personal issues came up, not once, not twice but thrice. Well, obviously the prof would be experienced in dealing with situations as such, and so with mediation, facilitation and wrapping up did the discussion end okay. But phew, the tense atmosphere... was too much to take, or at least too much in a class setting. Or perhaps I'm not ready for such situations - or I just didn't fancy it one bit.

Maybe I'm being watched or something so I shouldn't tread too much into the racial issue. But perhaps we can all take a step back to just reflect about what happened today, you know, sociological imagination, if I matched the correct definition to the correct term. Can we just have peaceful discussions for the last 2 days of lectures?
Not Alone

I found out that I'm not alone with those short bursts of distractions. (:

Sunday, March 22, 2009

THE Saturday Date

After a nice Japanese dinner, it was off to catch the ex-Singapore Idol finalists - Matilda and Jay Lim sing at the concourse. Both were good, but I preferred Jay's songs better.

Thereafter a walk to visit the Merlion to see if it's doing well. It is, but we wonder about its sex. I mean the lion has a mane, thus male, then the fish body leh? Anyway... that is some food for thought.

Then some chilling somewhere... Nice place, nice ambience, quiet, conducive.

But somewhere in between, moments occurred. It progressed and moved on.

Saturday, March 21, 2009

The Saturday

It's Saturday and I woke up at 6.15am to head for 8.30am lessons today. After much discussion on social stratification, sex education yadda yadda yadda, which there seems to be a trend to discuss stuff from the next chapter as well. It was nice to skip a quiz today but I did read the chapter lah, so why no quiz?!?!?! That means all quizzes will go into the final scores...

After some fried tapioca and fried sweet potato balls, tons of ironing of my clothes, here am I sitting with one leg on the computer chair like an ah pek, resting a lil' and waiting for time to pass before I head out to town again.

Three days more of Dr. Infectious Ha Ha Ha... The readings... can be interesting yet tedious. Anyway, this is really the last lap.

Now, I should head to read my magazine I bought a few days ago but I never touched it for the fear of not reading my text. Now that I've read one chapter in advance already, it's time for my MAGAZINE!

Friday, March 20, 2009

Functionalist & Deviance

Today we were just discussing from the functionalist perspective about prostitution in Singapore. It seems to serve a function for social stability. But our prof was pleasantly surprised to hear that prostitution is legal here. Well, let's not go too much into it, I might be under some form of surveillance. Ah!

A deviant is someone who does things that are against the norms in society. It might not be necessarily illegal. Similarly the functionalist argues that deviance serves a purpose in society. Hmm... It does, or else there'll be no progress in society since nobody challenges norms.

Somehow, I'm on the side and view more from the functionalists' perspective. I guess the practicality makes sense.

Right, it's 4 more days till end of lectures. Somehow, I want time to pass a little slower. I mean, I can still remember the first day of school in October 2006, and the first person I talked to was Kaykay. Ha ha.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Ups & Downs

- When I saw how passive people being just how passive they are, I couldn't help but feel "abused." Having said that, it just shows the way you are.

- It seems that no one wants to step in to lead the club. I don't know how or what to do, at worst, we could have half-term presidents. I want to step down, and concentrate on my communication track.

- One of my tuition students is canceling the sessions regularly. This week, we were supposed to catch up since we are far lacking behind the school yet I think she left home. I can't deliver based on irregular sessions. It's too late to only panic when the exams are near. I'm very sure I'm dropping her after I secure another assignment. So much for my effort in doing so much. If you are uninterested in the first place, then good luck and handle it yourself.

- I still dislike seeing you around. Can you just leave? You moron. I still can't believe I can live with a person with guaranteed no blood relations for years under the same roof. Since when did I have such a high threshold?

- Toastmasters meeting was a blast yesterday despite the small turn out and a condensed meeting. People were enthusiastic in participating and giving comments and feedback. I love this bunch of people. It's really a first in a long time that I could truly enjoy a meeting.

- Suddenly at Toastmasters yesterday, I was stirred. I suddenly miss doing my project speeches. It's tough since I have to write up a presidential address every meeting. I'm hoping to move to that when my term ends in June.

- By completing my analytic memo yesterday left time for me to nap in the afternoon from about 3.30pm to 7pm. I was just knocked out, but now I feel so much more energetic and refreshed, ready once again for the next day.

- Just a while ago, he sms-ed to ask if I was free over the weekend. Well, I am, and a date is fixed. (:

- Generally things are going well.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Seamless Fit

Yesterday night, I had my Open Office installed and set up. Today, I decided to use open office's words to do my analytic memo. Nice. Similar to microsoft office's word, but more user friendly. There was this function that allowed my document to be exported directly into a PDF file in one click, so that I need not worry whether it'll open on my desktop since my printer is still connected to the desktop. It was easy to customize the toolbar, adjust the page alignment. I'm just happy that I'm clicking significantly a lot lesser on a macbook. They go easy on my fingers.

Now, I'm more in love with my MacBook with the easy-to-use Open Office. Eh the elf told me it's quite frustrating to use it. Surprisingly not. (: As the days go by and I use my MacBook, it just further reinforces the fact that I didn't make a wrong choice by buying and switching to MacBook after using windows all these years. Ah, MacBook gives me bliss...

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

The Start of Behavioral Science

The early mornings start once again. Since lessons are pushed forward to 8.30am, meeting Cheryl for breakfast at 7.30am, I leave home at 6.45am, which means I wake up at 6.15am. The last time I woke up regularly at 6.15am? When I was in secondary school, when I slept before 12 every night. With the analytic memo, it's pretty impossible. Plus, the advanced readings I'm doing, it will keep me up for some time.

This is the only and last module that we sit in a meeting format - facing each other and leaving empty space in the middle. I'm used to that since I sit like that at every Toastmaster meeting. The lecturer is nice enough, her laughters are really loud. But she seems pretty amused about the Singapore society in general. Tons of discussions during lessons, but with much relief, no one-way lecture from the textbook.

Let's have this module wrap the OCU experience all up nicely.

Sunday, March 15, 2009

My Big Ticket Purchase

After a long wait, I finally brought home with me 2 boxes from the IT show- one with a MacBook, another with a Mighty Mouse. Nice box eh? I even felt good carrying the box home.

Check out the front and back!

Nice price of S$1588 with a free upgrade to 4GB RAM, but they didn't want to exchange the $68 bundle (a series of protection gear + the upgrade) for a free mouse. Yes, I am poor now. I still can afford to head out to town, but it will take me till next month to recover from my purchase. Thank goodness for the larger birthday ang pows, new year ang pows that I put aside since last year, plus the subsidies for my MacBook from mum and kor as my birthday presents.

I'm mostly on the MacBook now, and seriously, it's an easy switch, other than the first 10 minutes that you keep going,"Huh? How come cannot?" Like most others, apprehensive about getting or even trying a Mac at first, but look for someone who is willing to tell you about it patiently and that does the trick.

I'm a happy MacBook user now, and last night the adapter was trialed and tested. I accidentally pulled the MacBook closer to me before looking at the wires, and the magnetic port came off without stressing any wires or port. Despite switching the MacBook on for 12 hours straight, nothing felt warm, not even the trackpad area or t
he keyboard. Nice ventilation system, Apple. Wonderful stuff.

Nice separated keyboard buttons.

Did I say I love my MacBook? Well, I do. (:

Thursday, March 12, 2009


I have a lot to say, yet I don't know where to start. I'm being kept awake at night pondering about stuff. Unfortunately, those things that keep you awake are usually the negative ones. The one thing that is draining me out, is not tutoring, not my undergrad stuff nor is it the job hunting. It is something else.

I enjoy tutoring, a lot. The thought and evidence of making a difference to a student gives me that sense of satisfaction. Time consuming to prepare extra worksheets, but it keeps me going. Due for graduation soon, I can't bear to leave what I'm doing now, but all things will come to an end, and I think something else is waiting for me somewhere, and I will move on. Job hunting is not an issue at all. At most I'd just stick to tutoring. Jobs, there will be. Dream jobs? I'm not so sure.

Speaking of that, I submitted an application to write for a magazine. Ha ha. No essay questions to answer fortunately. We'll see how that goes.

Some people who see me occasionally always pop the same question, "How's life?"

Well, life is good. I'm enjoying life as it is, knowing that what ever I do now may never come as an opportunity again. So I'm just bask in whatever I'm doing now. That includes going out on dates and plain having fun before the full time job begins.

Coming to that, you might be curious as to how's things with that guy? Well, he's busy, so am I. Occasional sms-es, phone calls, that's it.

Sometimes I feel lost, yet sometimes I feel that I'm lucky. I guess the trick is to be thankful for what you have, and life might just seem better.

Focus on what you have, and not what you do not have.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Losing Steam

I can't help but feel unhappy deep down and lose steam when I have to do a lot myself. I was hoping for a better life in this position but no, I didn't get it. Oh well, the term is ending. I am looking forward to that. But meanwhile, I should do some rescuing around the place.

Talk about losing steam, I just can't afford it.

Monday, March 09, 2009

Substandard Work

If you are too busy, don't do it. It's better than substandard work. Spelling errors aplenty, layout messed up. It's just plain shitty.

Seriously, I'd rather do it myself than get shit thrown in my face.

Sunday, March 08, 2009

The Jog Clock

Today was jogging day, since there was no rain at all. With that I decided to switch a route. And boy was it a WONDERFUL day to change it. They just put fertilizer over the most stretch of the pavement that I was running, so I was inhaling oxygen, together with NATURAL FERTILIZER. How can it get any better than this? To think at first I thought I stepped on poo. Well no, there was "poo" all over the grass.

Anyway, I decided to do an accurate measurement of my jogging distance so I measured it from the street directory and realized I have been overestimating my previous route. It should be 1.5km over 2km. Today was then 2km. Thus, it's only 6.5km in all. It's ok though, I shall continue running to tone those flabby areas! Ah, the sense of satisfaction after running is always great. But the laziness to get downstairs and start running is always overpowering. Haha.

Hoping to tan a little by heading to the pool sometime. I've been putting it off...

Right, I should continue reading Sociology: A Global Perspective. Chapter one done, the others to go. Reading in advance will give me time to explore my new lappie then. Wheeeee!
The Saturday Night

After some slacking time from dawn to dusk, the evening kicked off with dinner at Mad Jack's cafe before heading to watch Marley & Me. Touching show man, had to hold back my tears, with much success. Thereafter we walked to this tau huey stall along Selegie Road, where the queue was never ending, but with much luck, we managed to get a seat.

As we headed to City Hall mrt station to head home, he suggested chilling out, at one of my favourite spots, with much surprise really, until the crowd dwindled by a large proportion and us to be in time to catch the train.

Nonetheless, nice company is nice no matter the location. And it seems today, the shy-ness has gone away! How cute can he be man.

Thursday, March 05, 2009

Reading, AGAIN.

For the last time for the last upcoming module, I'm once again feverishly (well, not really) reading. The sentence structure gets to you really, with all those quotes from other authors and books. Imagine reading line after line written by people who lived a century ago! Yes, their style of writing, totally different! But for my final A grade, I will persevere.

And to that absolutely tactless Toastmaster, I'm just being kind to volunteer to HELP. I'm not your subordinate, don't speak to me like you are ordering me. I can't believe you speak like that as an AREA GOVERNOR. You better brush up your social skills man. I can refuse to help if I want to ok. If you are so good, go book the venue yourself, don't call me. It's people like you who make me have negative feelings towards this supposedly positive environment Toastmasters is supposed to have. ROAR!

Nonetheless, I'm looking forward to the weekend. A dinner date! Wheeeee!

Monday, March 02, 2009

Free Time!

YES! Two weeks before school starts for the last time. Anyway, I've been busy tutoring as usual, my kid's common test just passed and it's now the CA1 week. Nonetheless, there is still time for the Nintendo DS... Highly recommended - Sally's Salon.

And next game to look forward to...
The "sequel" to cooking mama. (:
Oh and yesterday, we went to Marina Square for Indonesian food before heading to the Esplanade for the outdoor performance. Pleasant surprise to have satire kinda songs at the Esplanade. Mango Tango Cheesecake and off back home. In between? Conversations. But he is sure a shy guy.

Sunday, March 01, 2009

Environmental Science OVER!

I conquered the book, read every word, page and box. But I could not remember whether having glass on the south side of the house is active or passive heat absorption. Damn. And yeah, the Indo Pacific reef diagram thing came out. Luckily I prepared for it man, right Yingying? I improved my lobster drawing to include pincers, else people can't differentiate shrimp and prawn. Haha. -_-

Next up, a date out to town. I should get going to prepare and all. So till updates maybe tonight if I'm not tired out.

Meanwhile, there's finally time to poke the DS without feeling guilty and the feeling that there's something waiting for me to complete. With the exception of Toastmasters, which I do not feel like doing anything about it. Rawr.