So now what?

So how have things progressed in 2 months? Ups and downs... Pitching like mad, trying to fill up my time with things to do. It's better to learn something than to do nothing and learn nothing.

Putting up with someone who cannot multitask, who is not ready to grow at a rate that we want to... When things get too bad, I just mind my own business and not think about it. One day at a time...

Something interesting has happened though. Something came up! The excitement was probably too much to bear that I fell to the invasion of the viruses, and had to present in my sexy husky voice before taking a 1.5-day MC.

So... I'm just waiting for good news, keeping my fingers crossed. Let things go well!

The Pursuit.

At a quarter of a century old, what would you like to achieve in your career, or what goals are you setting for yourself, in the short and long run?

Money, status, position? Or to pursue your passion and interests?

I happen to be in a career where I fulfill both necessities and wants. 

But the problem lies in where to go next?

Dilemma, dilemma.

Life goes on, things must move. On one hand, I do have feelings towards where I am now due to the people I have been and are working with. On the other, they are not the ones who will help me lead the rest of my life. I must be rational.

In being rational, of course there are relationships and timing to talk about. Argh. Things get more difficult and complex as you grow older, ain't it so?

Future Plans.

Things have come to a stage where I feel the learning curve is limited. I'm getting bored from the lack of work, and hence lack of exposure. 

I've been told time and again to stay and help the place grow. But if there's someone who's always defensive and insists that the seriously-overused and used-to-death ideas are the best, there's really nowhere to grow towards.

At this age, career progression shouldn't stop or slow down. I'm not at the edge of retirement, or intend to just work for the sake of daily work.

Experience is but a relative concept. You may have 10 years of experience. But if you only repeat effective 6 months of experience over 20 times, what 10 years are we really talking about doing the same thing over and over?

It's time to move out of the comfort zone. And I'm saying that to myself.

The Feelings.

Been reminded of the feelings over and over, with it getting more intense as the seconds tick by. Okay, supposed to even have this happen was beyond expectations. It just happened, and besides thinking about it, I haven't acted on it. Maybe subconsciously signals might have given it away, but I think I've been receiving mixed signals... 

I must say the connection and chemistry sparked off just like that, and has built up over time. I think we have drawn the lines well. 

Sometimes it makes me wonder if this is what people say about, "when it comes, you won't be able to shield yourself from it." Well, everything happens for a reason. This may or may not be it.

Let's just let nature take its course. If it happens, it happens.

Expectations.

What kind of expectations should you hold stepping into a new place? 

Or what worries you about what others expect of you?

I guess it's just for me to do what I normally do and not worry about how others think. No point getting obsessed when you ain't gonna have any control over the minds of others.

Let's give it 6 months...

Closure.

That's it. Friday was my last day following the resignation of my ceo, also my direct reporting officer. Looking back, I've learnt tons, managed terrible clients, chased deadlines like nobody's business and worked hard. It's a pity to see what's left behind. Or rather, I don't have eyes to see.

Moving on, moving on, new environment, new culture. Hopefully I get to live my new year resolution - not to work so hard since the start of this year saw never-ending work and deadlines. Busier than ever before. Let's take it that the best does the most work. No shame, but I am confident that I have done well.

Let's see what happens on Monday.

A fresh start, a new beginning.

Changes.

It is the only constant isn't it? Well, there have been major changes at work. Some of us are moving on.

Opportunities have come up for me to progress and here comes exposure to a new culture and environment. 

My colleague's right. Let's not look back at the past, but forward to the future.

Work Woes.

Work can be irritating sometimes. The nagging issues that creep up into your mind on weekends. Roar.

And all thanks to corruption in our very fine see-vil service - the gaaa-men clients are getting more troublesome than ever. 

At the end of the day, just gotta tell myself that it's just work. Snap out of it and move on.

Merry merry Christmas everyone!

Same Old Nagging Matter.

The same thing upsets me over and over and over, not the first or second time. When can we see an end to this? Maybe adding one more ball to your juggling act is too much for your hands.

Sighs.

More Thoughts.

Can't help but sigh. What to do?

Sigh.

Setting expectations right is imperative for it to work out. You really need to set some time aside and sit down with me to get this out right. We shouldn't let this happen again. I'm afraid while I can let it go this time and probably the next few, I don't know how long more I can put up with it. 

Maybe you are not ready, as much as you want it to happen. It just so happens that, and it goes the same for everyone else, this requires certain sacrifices from current commitments to commit to something new. Maybe you should think about whether you are truly ready to give up certain things for this.

No excuses. I can't be telling you what to do all the time. Time to work out the brain juice and think logically what next to do. It's not rocket science, it's really common sense most of the time. If you can't take out time to do this, maybe you are not ready. Then it's time to rethink.

Communication is essential for anything to work. 

I feel so ambivalent now. Sometimes I wonder if I have to put up with whatever's happening. Not happy, definitely not.

Thoughts.

It's amazing upon discovering and coming to realization how I can give something/someone up easily if I really want to. Can't meet the expectations? Someone else probably can or will. Or do I even need that someone else?

Read in the papers today about women cheating in today's society. Sure men and marriage are not something that women need in their lives today, especially if it's becoming a painful experience altogether. I suppose that explains the divorce rates nowadays. We are capable of being financially independent and we know how to fill emotional voids.

Just some thoughts to pass the Sunday afternoon before a date. Oh well.

The Tinge of Fear.

This is coming with a tinge of fear. Fear that letting yourself deep and hard into it will make you also fall out hard.

The Start of Something New?

A new chapter began, a week ago. It's nice.

Let's give it a shot and see what it leads to.

A Late Night.

Can't sleep yet 'cause I got home slightly after 11 from a farewell dinner for an ex-colleague. A couple of things on my mind while I'm trying to cool off before going to bed. This is a good avenue to mention them.

1. We presented to a potential client this morning. Of which, I sent the deck to my boss last evening for him to look through and prepare, since he and the creative guy would be presenting. But knowing how things can go wrong, I took time this morning to mentally rehearse, just in case everything goes wrong. Everything went okay though, boss presented the front parts, the creative guys on the creative parts. Until the end of the presentation which required some explaining on the campaign audit, my boss gave me the eye, nodding as though asking me to present those. I went ahead. Although not as smooth as my golden toastmaster days, I think it was okay since I didn't really rehearse. I didn't bull shit, I spoke logically. Thank god for impromptu speaking skill training from table topics.

Bro thinks that boss chut stunt, mum thinks that da boss is just testing water to see if I did my homework. Of course I did lah... For one, I cannot not know what's going on since I'm one of the project owners. Two, obviously I can't let everyone and my agency look bad in front of the client right? I really wonder what is the agenda behind it. But we will know in time. We shall see.

2. One of my clients resigned and will be leaving this week. She isn't the nicest or easiest client around. We started off not on a very good note. But among those were good periods of working relationship that got things moving.

I sent her a personal note wishing her all the best, and of course nice things. No white washing, I wrote with sincerity, it was not a cut and paste note from the net. I thought that it's just being nice on my part and a formality.

Boss calls me a drama queen, but I bet somewhere in you know that I did the right thing. Everyone I mentioned this to, agrees.

I guess that's why we say, project management is about doing things right, leadership is about doing the right things.

Topsy Turvy.

I survived my 6 months. Things are changing however. When I was super duper swarmed one week, one of my major projects was diverted to another person while I handled another account. Since then, the new client who didn't exactly get her way does not want to work with me anymore, most probably perhaps I'm "stricter with her", as my boss puts it. We had a conflict the moment she took over the account, and I didn't really give in. Even with new ads, she prefers that my partner-in-crime takes over for "one point of contact". Boss says to let it go and remarked that I should be happy not having to work with her. Told me not to kill myself and participate in other stuff instead. Well, all her other colleagues have the one point of contact - me, except her. Oh well, whatever. Guess I just have to go with the flow, help out with a pitch and learn more stuff.

A copywriter tendered her resignation two weeks ago. Last that I heard today, da boss hasn't found a suitable replacement. There are a few things that can happen:

1. Work is diverted to the other writers.
2. Boss does it himself. (Which he wouldn't have time to vet some tons of ads a day.)
3. Grab someone who has writing experience to help out.

That someone could jolly well be me. I'm a little worried that it would be me. I really don't wanna write anymore, although some copyvetting is still fine, if I'm not busy.

Let's just wait and see. Meanwhile, I have fallen victim to viruses. Runny nose, sneezing, sore throat, body aches. Can't afford a MC in the next 4 weeks - crunch time. How?

Frustration Vent Required.

Don't say I agreed to something when I did not.
You are putting words in my mouth and being unethical.

Don't try and play dirty and put the blame on us.
When you are the one who can't do project management.

If you committed something internally and can't deliver, don't point fingers at us.
We did not commit/agree to a time in the first place.

If you can't take no for an answer, too bad.
Because I don't have to agree with you.

If you can't manage a project, I feel sorry for you.
Especially if you are new, and trying hard not to screw up.

I never had such problems with your colleagues before.
So when it happens when you come in, then we don't have to say very much what's wrong.

Be defensive all you want, the world is looking.

I won't play punk and screw up stuff for you, but please at least be ethical.

People of all sorts.

One of my clients is going on maternity leave. This other lady took over, and she's just downright...

I'm not your subordinate, I don't report to you, you don't pay me, neither do you pay for our services, so don't speak to me as if I'm working for you. I'm working with you.

Stop trying to assert your authority. We don't have to do what you want. Adapt to us, not we adapt to you, so F off.

Sian.

I thought I could have a quiet day, but it turned out otherwise. Mr Boss had a finance deadline to meet and I was one of the two candidates to help him meet it. Rushed, did weird things like sending very carefully worded emails and finally got everything out by 2pm, which was post-lunch time. A macs lunch did make me feel a lil' better.

And thanks to crunch time, made an error in my quote. Feel so ambivalent doing such stuff. The emails made me feel and seem incompetent, and the error I made felt like I wasn't being my usual meticulous self. It's the same kind of feeling as I didn't do my best, and I'm feeling really bad about it.

I should learn to let go even more. Letting go has been one of the most difficult lessons to master since I was in school. I'm still learning to let go nowadays, and learning to let it go faster.

I hope this doesn't have to happen every month. ):