Coming Home to A Mess

Having decided to go to the PC show once it opens this afternoon to buy my external hard disk and printer ink, I did. I hurriedly went home because I have not packed my bag, and for another reason as well - territorial protection.

When I opened the door, I saw broken bowls greeting me from the kitchen. Not one, not two but five or six. What to do? Sweep, vacuum, pack the broken pieces carefully with newspapers and wrap it up with 2 layers of plastic bags - to make it easy for the cleaner. Not a fun thing to do.

Now another stranger in my house. Here close to about 3 hours now. Doesn't she understand that the home is somewhere personal? LEAVE LEAVE LEAVE NOW! My home is not a cafe nor restaurant where you can sit for as long as you like.

Hello? Please go?

What's A Good Escape?

The laptop and the Internet is. I wonder how I will survive without the Internet now.

When you can't physically get away, immersing in any form of escapism keeps you sane, for the time being.

Boiling

Must drop the remote control till it spoils is it? Then who will pay for the replacement? Must make the house messy is it? Then who cleans it up? Must be stubborn is it? Then who will pay the price?

Fucking irritating. How can I hate to be in my own home? How long do I have to bear with the boiling anger, frustration, irritation and annoyance? Why should I bother when it doesn't even concern me? I have NEVER asked for another person in the house. I NEVER needed one. So why must I be part of it now? I just want to lead my normal life, without disruptions. So the stranger unrelated to me by the tiniest bit, I don't have to bother about you.

And to anyone who wants to ask me to accept what's happening, save your energy and saliva. I will not hesitate to walk away from you, whether you are an elder or not. I do not have to accept what's happening.

If you have been keeping up, then you would have realized why I have been slow in doing things, in meeting deadlines, in any other stuff. Can't expect me to be efficient when things are happening and affecting me and my mental state. So fuck everything else.

Gladness Amongst Emo-ness

Good things that perk me up:

- Getting out of the house today, for tuition and for dinner.
- RP to talk to me over dinner.
- Coming home late so I don't have to face the person for so long.
- Love late nights since I finally have the living room to myself (but I'd rather be in the room).
- People to talk to and chat with over MSN.
- Blogging to vent pent-up frustrations.
- Looking at my MacBook perks me up!

Let's skip the emo part, you already sort of have a picture from the previous entry.

Let me just now look forward to flying away. (:

Can I Get Away Now?

I don't want to be home. I don't want to face people I don't want to face. I don't want to hear any of your conversations and I don't want to see you. I don't want to have these internal silent struggles that potentially will make me lose my sanity. Why are you even in my house? You do not belong here, and you are not welcome here. Just get lost and never come back. This house does not need you.

What right have you got to say something like that? Have you ever treated her as such? Do you dare say you treat her right? Well no, and what's with that ego? Stop being the big fat egoistic person you are, that you are superior.

And to you: think about why I'm so eager to stay out, especially this month. If you have no idea, then perhaps it's time you do. I don't have to be home to face that big fat egoistic person who thinks he is king. I no longer have the privacy - the privacy of being at home. If that's the case, why still stay home and be stuck with a person I'm bloody uncomfortable with? And if talking to me is so frustrating, even when I tell you things nicely, then stop talking to me altogether. You can serve that bloody person for the rest of his life. Talk to me only when you seriously want to. If this has to be at the expense of OUR relationship, so be it. I'm sick and tired of such a life, it's time I be selfish too.

Gosh.

The tingling feeling in the tummy. Ha ha.

When it comes, I want it to go away. When there's none, I crave for it.

Can't Stay Home For Long

I'm alright if I stay home alone, even for a couple of days without stepping out of the house at all. But when there's someone else at home, I can't. I simply can't face another person, another person not related to me at all.

Thus, I have decided to go out tomorrow. And I want to stay out late. Internal silent struggles...

Daily Flights from Singapore to Subang (KL)

Darn, the flight only starts in July. The Subang Airport is so much nearer to my relatives! Next time, it's more flying! YEAH.

Can someone give me a job that requires flying around?

Done.

I reserved, bought and confirmed my air ticket. I'm flying away. YES!

This is really getting exciting.

Job or No Job?

No job, I didn't get it. But what I got out of it was interview experience. I've since applied for another job. Just gotta wait now...

The weekend was a busy one. Went out with dear RP on Friday, rested Saturday, and out again on Sunday to the Philatelic Museum. It was International Museum Day and so admission to museums in Singapore were FREE. Thereafter, visited the book fair at Suntec before sending my brother off at the airport.

The many trips to the airport has never lost its excitement, even when I'm not taking the plane. The trip has since given me some sort of plan to buy a ticket online and fly away. That's the plan for now. It should be an easy one from here.

This is getting so exciting. Just buying a ticket and flying away, ON MY OWN.