Before I go ahead to blog about the highlights and the downs of 2008, let's take a look at what I blogged about when 2007 came to an end and when 2008 came.
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Bye to 2007, Hello to 2008
As we always say,
The year passed with the blink of an eye.
How true, how true.
Looking back at 2007,
It was a good start after 3 months at my present school,
Treated my work seriously, got due credit for my modules.
Got my advanced diploma with suave grades.
While finances did get a lil' tough with all expenses,
Including repaying my own education loan,
Tuition assignments and babysitting jobs came and went,
And I got it through, with enough spare cash to shop.
It ain't that bad to tutor 6 days a week with 5 students,
When you know you need the job and you can actually manage your time well.
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In Toastmasters, got up to the post of Vice President Education,
Which took more of my personal time away,
Tested my planning skills and my patience to the limit,
But juggling speaking and planning can be a killer.
I achieved my Competent Communicator award,
Now on my way to achieving my Advanced Competent Bronze award.
Had fun, had tears, had my speaking skills upped.
Attended a semi-annual convention, met great speakers,
Became motivated and inspired myself.
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I also had myself into the Youth Executive Committee at a community club,
Joined as an executive member, got promoted to assistant general secretary.
Took away 3 hours of my time every month,
Potentially gonna take more away this year.
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Personally, discovered myself and my personality more,
Spoke even more little this year.
I'm a lady of a few words.
I realized that I can take more pressure than I imagined,
Even when everything comes crashing at the same time,
I may cry, but after resting,
Getting up again isn't very difficult although it can be tiring.
Many ask, "I wonder how you can juggle so many things."
Reply: "You will learn to manage your time,
Because juggling means you must become more disciplined."
Met up with Rui Ping quite a lot, had fun shopping and eating,
Talking about future plans.
My brother had his wedding, now moved out.
There are also plans on doing my master's degree in US in the next couple of years,
If everything goes well.
There were significant moments, both good and bad,
But they all count as memories, as life experiences.
2007 was a great year, bet 2008 would be better.
As we always say,
The year passed with the blink of an eye.
How true, how true.
Looking back at 2007,
It was a good start after 3 months at my present school,
Treated my work seriously, got due credit for my modules.
Got my advanced diploma with suave grades.
While finances did get a lil' tough with all expenses,
Including repaying my own education loan,
Tuition assignments and babysitting jobs came and went,
And I got it through, with enough spare cash to shop.
It ain't that bad to tutor 6 days a week with 5 students,
When you know you need the job and you can actually manage your time well.
---------------
In Toastmasters, got up to the post of Vice President Education,
Which took more of my personal time away,
Tested my planning skills and my patience to the limit,
But juggling speaking and planning can be a killer.
I achieved my Competent Communicator award,
Now on my way to achieving my Advanced Competent Bronze award.
Had fun, had tears, had my speaking skills upped.
Attended a semi-annual convention, met great speakers,
Became motivated and inspired myself.
---------------
I also had myself into the Youth Executive Committee at a community club,
Joined as an executive member, got promoted to assistant general secretary.
Took away 3 hours of my time every month,
Potentially gonna take more away this year.
---------------
Personally, discovered myself and my personality more,
Spoke even more little this year.
I'm a lady of a few words.
I realized that I can take more pressure than I imagined,
Even when everything comes crashing at the same time,
I may cry, but after resting,
Getting up again isn't very difficult although it can be tiring.
Many ask, "I wonder how you can juggle so many things."
Reply: "You will learn to manage your time,
Because juggling means you must become more disciplined."
Met up with Rui Ping quite a lot, had fun shopping and eating,
Talking about future plans.
My brother had his wedding, now moved out.
There are also plans on doing my master's degree in US in the next couple of years,
If everything goes well.
There were significant moments, both good and bad,
But they all count as memories, as life experiences.
2007 was a great year, bet 2008 would be better.
----------------------------------
Now, 2008 was a lil' scary in the sense that it passed by just faster than I expected it would.
I was really looking forward to 2008 then because it was going to be a year of plenty of achievements:
- I officially become an adult under the law in April, hitting the magical age of 21 and throwing a huge birthday bash.
- I became the President of Cheng San Toastmasters Club, am still the President till June 2009.
- 2008 was the final lap my undergraduate studies.
- OCU residency was due in 2008, so was graduation part I.
Highlights however do come with unhappiness, as the saying goes: you can't have you cake and eat it.
- I had a period of struggle after hitting 21 from the sudden realization that now I have the power to do much more, including getting myself into trouble and my parent can save me no more. Plenty of letters came in for me to decide on nominations. To cut the story short, I had to learn to make even greater decisions on my own, which I was afraid I wasn't ready for. I mean, there is no instruction booklet on how to be 21, and so the learning goes on, hopefully not by trial and error though.
- Presidential term was and still is not easy. I had an EXCO of people older than me, say 50+, whom are very supportive team players. I knew I was up for office as president but when July 2008 whizzed by but I had second thoughts with a period of denial whether I could juggle my studies, my tuition job, babysitting jobs together with Toastmasters. Well, lucky for a bunch of wonderful buddies/darlings and support from my brother, I survived the juggling acts, much better than before. Somehow I believe that if I survived such tough times, nothing in future would beat me down, or at least emotionally.
- Crying spells came and went. There were times when I felt excruciatingly overwhelmed by everything that was coming together and worse, everything going wrong at the same time. But seriously, crying helps, other than the times I had to deal with swollen eyes in the morning and tell everyone I didn't have enough sleep. Haha.
- I fell sick more seriously than ever in 2008. Coughing spells, fever spells all came because I overestimated my threshold of juggling. I went to the doctor 3 times in the month of August and spending near to a hundred on the doctor's bill. Lesson learnt: never overwork my body and sleep more. In the pink of health once more. (:
- Relationship woes came by too. When I thought I was ready for a relationship and went ahead much too quickly into one, obviously it didn't work out. Of course, some of you might know that another guy too, came by but different priorities left us as friends and he is now happily married. By the time I met someone else and once again thought that I was ready, I really wasn't. Remember the juggling acts? The boyfriend had to be put somewhere in the middle of my priority list that perhaps he got too frustrated that his girlfriend "didn't really bother." Well, that was around the planning and booking stage of the residency when I was concerned with finances. He has now moved on to another girl. But yeah, I am not ready for another relationship just yet.
- Swim Clock 2008
7.5 laps on 22 September
Current Check: 69 laps
Distance Conquered: 6900m
Yeah, and the swim clock. My aim was to clock 100 laps in 2008 but I conquered 69. Well, the new aim for 2009 is still 100 laps. Must be practical, you know.
- OCU residency. Three years of savings, two years of waiting and boo-yah, I'm back from Oklahoma City. It went by too fast to believe the residency I was looking forward to for so long is over and done with. Well, 4 weeks away from home ain't so bad because it isn't the first time I have been away from home for so long anyway. I have been away in my relatives' in Malaysia for 2 months before and alone for 1 month every year when I was much younger. Tested and proven and grateful to mum for the years of training for me to be independent, in fact way too independent for my own good at times that I prefer to be alone sometimes. My first trip to the US, 234128193759238 miles away from home 34859723 hours of flying and I survived.
- Undergraduate studies is almost completed but I'm not ready for the working world yet. I still want to continue studying but nay, finances say no although the heart says yes. But looking back at the struggle after 2006 and seeing how far I have been through, I think I deserve a pat on my shoulder. Having been through much more, I think I've grown more as a person. Growing up is good, but hey, I'm not in a hurry to grow up. Let me enjoy what I am supposed to as a 21 year old. I will grow old eventually, so let me enjoy my youth.
(Added sometime later)
- As 2008 progressed, I started to see more clearly the people around me who were giving me positive vibes, and those who always concentrated on the negatives. Really, the kinda people you hang around with matters. Well, one of these people I've stopped contacting almost completely. In fact, we have had no contact completely for a long time now. I'm glad I have her outta of my life, she was imposing too much of her thoughts and ideas on me that I felt pressurized having to dine with her. She was trying to be all-mighty and believing that she was right all the time. But duh, we are all entitled to our own opinions. I said this to her, in her face and boy, did I feel cool that I stood up for myself.
- At a point in time, if you remember this:
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Finding/Searching For Lost Stuff
Sometimes, things that are lost can no longer be found. There is no chance of chasing it back, no chance of experiencing it again nor can you find a substitute for it, although the temptation is great. I get trapped sometimes, into wanting to find it back, or finding a substitute to get back that feeling lost say 15 years ago. And it's hard, because sometimes I get sucked into it subconsciously. Now? I gotta be really careful in analyzing my OWN feelings and emotions. Like what the heck. When I see/read instances of it, there's just this funny queasy feeling in my tummy that I don't really enjoy.
Most of the time I tell myself that I am already very lucky in some sense in what I have now, and to just forget about it. Well well well, it's always easy to say but hard to commit to it. The thing is I can't just pretend nothing ever happened. It can be a struggle really, internally.
Having to constantly guard myself against it, is hard and tiring.
Oh I need a hug. But I know whoever it is from, the effect of it can never replace the one I lost.
----------------------------------------------------------Most of the time I tell myself that I am already very lucky in some sense in what I have now, and to just forget about it. Well well well, it's always easy to say but hard to commit to it. The thing is I can't just pretend nothing ever happened. It can be a struggle really, internally.
Having to constantly guard myself against it, is hard and tiring.
Oh I need a hug. But I know whoever it is from, the effect of it can never replace the one I lost.
It seems that every year at some point in time, I struggle with this problem. And it is frustrating to have it come up again and again. What makes it worse is when I see what I hope is happening to me. This happens all too often for my own good. However, it also seems that more hatred and disappointment is building up from within to convince myself to be happy with my current situation. But seriously, how big can the hatred grow when you have his blood flowing in you and that you bear his last name? The trap looks tempting once again. Teach me to walk round my trap.
- Another person is of course, a cause for concern since he is related to mum. He is not related to me, and never will be. I hate (read my lips, it's hatred, not dislike) his presence because it seems that something is going wrong. I'm sure I can sense situations and tensions enough at my age to judge that something is wrong. (I'm just wondering whether he is even worth mentioning in my blog entry.) Anyway, this can be something I look back to and remember the existence of such a person.
On one hand, I ponder whether this occurred out of gratitude. If he feels and shows a face of such displeasure, and my mum has to wait on him that way, which I think is not exactly out of complete willingness, why can't it end? My mum is English-educated, the modern and liberal woman who deserves much more, paired with a man who is Chinese-educated, not as open-minded. Is there really room for a true partnership?
This is hypothetical but you might really be happier with someone who is on a more similar wavelength with you. Well, I am in no position to influence my mum for the matter is between them, as long as I'm not involved. But surely I'm entitled to my own opinions.
(end of addition.)
So what's up for 2009?
- REPAYMENT OF MY irritating DEBT. (full repayment if possible.)
- Handing presidential office over to the next new blood.
- Search for a job?
- Change of IT gadgets that are way overdue. The PC is way overdue for retirement. Time to make space for a lappie!
2009 is a year of uncertainty. I can't even pinpoint where I will be or what I would be doing. Well, work is for sure but as for specifics, it remains as a question mark for now.
Much as uncertainties float around, 2009 and 2010 are years of stepping stones to something greater, something I hope to fulfill within these couple of years.
Meanwhile, tuition and babysitting jobs will continue, or at least until mid-2009. A trip to Hong Kong with my cousins seem almost confirmed. And of course, Chinese New Year to come first. ANG POWS, HERE I COME!
That's the usual routine of blogging, ain't it? The transition post from a year to the next. And yeah, this had to come before more posts on the US trip. I hope I didn't miss out anything big in the fast-whizzing 2008. But yeah, there's the EDIT button if I remember anything.
And it's back to clearing up my room. Unpacking is not quite done yet.
Oh.
Happy 2009!
May 2009 be a year when hopes and dreams come true, for you and me. (:
