Finding/Searching For Lost Stuff

Sometimes, things that are lost can no longer be found. There is no chance of chasing it back, no chance of experiencing it again nor can you find a substitute for it, although the temptation is great. I get trapped sometimes, into wanting to find it back, or finding a substitute to get back that feeling lost say 15 years ago. And it's hard, because sometimes I get sucked into it subconsciously. Now? I gotta be really careful in analyzing my OWN feelings and emotions. Like what the heck. When I see/read instances of it, there's just this funny queasy feeling in my tummy that I don't really enjoy.

Most of the time I tell myself that I am already very lucky in some sense in what I have now, and to just forget about it. Well well well, it's always easy to say but hard to commit to it. The thing is I can't just pretend nothing ever happened. It can be a struggle really, internally.

Having to constantly guard myself against it, is hard and tiring.

Oh I need a hug. But I know whoever it is from, the effect of it can never replace the one I lost.