Things Taking A Turn.

Well, I have been reshuffled to another team. Boss is giving support by heading the accounts I'm servicing. So things have been going okay.

Good to know that the boss backs you up and not leave you to die. Work is much easier now, really.

I'm not depressed about work anymore.

The Discussion.

I was having a heart-to-heart talk with mum and brother. They were concerned about me being too scared to go to work. So was I. Doesn't help when the blood pressure shot up to pre-hypertension levels.

The discussion was about looking within myself to seek what I really want. Seems like I was always focusing on what's greener on the other side, and what's not green on my side.

My brother asked me to think back to see why I left my previous job, and why I wanted my current so much at that point. My reasons were: previous job was too boring and mundane. Current job would give me the exposure and variety.

If I wanted to go back to teaching, then I'd be back at square one - going through the routine and mundane stuff everyday. If I wanted the variety, then I would have to put up with all the shit that comes with it, which is what is making me rethink. Would I want to live the routine mundane life or swim through shit everyday? Looking back, while teaching was boring, I didn't drag myself to work. My current job is however, making me drag myself to work everyday.

I was also told that work is unlike school, things are not perfect, and I just gotta accept it. And everywhere I go, there's bound to be the baptism of fire (which I strongly believe is what I'm going through). If it's myself that I can't get pass, then no matter where I go, the same thing is gonna happen.

Questions to self:
- Do I see myself progressing in the advertising sector within the next few years?
Quite frankly, no. I don't see myself progressing to do business development...

- Do I see myself progressing in the education sector within the next few years?
Yes. I can see myself as someone who would be experienced enough then to guide new teachers.

The Alarm Rings.

Things just exceeded my threshold. Just had to take the day off because I couldn't take it anymore. I don't care what people wanna say or are going to say.

I went in, in the morning looking forward to the end of the day. I went to lunch not wanting to go back, and the greatest relief came from going home. I woke up the next day not wanting to go in. Time just drags during those hours. I actually dream about work every night, which is scary.

I have heard this many times from you not to take things personally, but when things happen to a point where I'm always trying to look for ways to escape, or when I feel seriously scared whenever the phone rings or new emails come in, I seriously believe it's a warning sign.

How emotionally scarring can this get?

And I take back my words about surviving long here.

Busy, Busy, Busy.

Okay, I wasn't expecting busy to be so busy. I'm just so swarmed now that I'm taking over whatever my partner's doing, because she's leaving.

Pros:
- Forces me to be independent and front the projects.
- Steep learning curve = Learn faster.
- Keeps my mind off other things.
- Puts me to sleep easily at night.

Cons:
- I'm really lethargic at the end of the day.
- I actually forget to go to the toilet. =x
- I'm having dinner at 8.45pm everyday this week.

Right, I've been told to flag when I can't cope - which is soon. Before I left today, I already have 8 things on my to-do list for tomorrow.

That's what you get for choosing this job. But I'm thankful I leave by 7-ish these days, and not after midnight.

This is when I could do with a little TLC.

And I Knew It.

I knew I would feel like this yet I let it happen. I wanted it to happen and now I'm on an emotional roller coaster.

I guess I just gotta deal with it, or at least put up with the withdrawal symptoms until a week later.

And nope, I'm not on drugs.

Dazed.

It must be the chemicals.

End Of First Month

And I survived. I got impatient answers to my questions, got told off by a client, rubbed shoulders with other clients, had great rapport with a particular client, experienced many things for the first time. Tons of things to learn, with more to come.

In my first month, I've seen 5 people tender their resignation. About time since some have been there for 1.5 - 2 years. Plus, it's the hiring season, who wouldn't leave to a better opportunity or better pay, especially if they only treat this place as a stepping stone.

Of the 5, one is my boss and the other my partner. In short, I'm the only one left in the team. Well, time to step up and download as much as I can.

It's Monday tomorrow, but no Monday blues yet. I think I will survive long here.