grappling with life

2012-02-05T16:05:00.003+08:00

Work Woes.

Work can be irritating sometimes. The nagging issues that creep up into your mind on weekends. Roar.

And all thanks to corruption in our very fine see-vil service - the gaaa-men clients are getting more troublesome than ever.

At the end of the day, just gotta tell myself that it's just work. Snap out of it and move on.

2011-12-25T16:23:00.000+08:00

Merry merry Christmas everyone!

2011-12-25T16:19:00.003+08:00

Same Old Nagging Matter.

The same thing upsets me over and over and over, not the first or second time. When can we see an end to this? Maybe adding one more ball to your juggling act is too much for your hands.

Sighs.

2011-12-19T21:45:00.001+08:00

More Thoughts.

Can't help but sigh. What to do?

2011-12-19T13:03:00.000+08:00

Sigh.

Setting expectations right is imperative for it to work out. You really need to set some time aside and sit down with me to get this out right. We shouldn't let this happen again. I'm afraid while I can let it go this time and probably the next few, I don't know how long more I can put up with it.

Maybe you are not ready, as much as you want it to happen. It just so happens that, and it goes the same for everyone else, this requires certain sacrifices from current commitments to commit to something new. Maybe you should think about whether you are truly ready to give up certain things for this.

No excuses. I can't be telling you what to do all the time. Time to work out the brain juice and think logically what next to do. It's not rocket science, it's really common sense most of the time. If you can't take out time to do this, maybe you are not ready. Then it's time to rethink.

Communication is essential for anything to work.

I feel so ambivalent now. Sometimes I wonder if I have to put up with whatever's happening. Not happy, definitely not.

2011-12-18T14:15:00.003+08:00

Thoughts.

It's amazing upon discovering and coming to realization how I can give something/someone up easily if I really want to. Can't meet the expectations? Someone else probably can or will. Or do I even need that someone else?

Read in the papers today about women cheating in today's society. Sure men and marriage are not something that women need in their lives today, especially if it's becoming a painful experience altogether. I suppose that explains the divorce rates nowadays. We are capable of being financially independent and we know how to fill emotional voids.

Just some thoughts to pass the Sunday afternoon before a date. Oh well.

2011-12-12T00:14:00.001+08:00

The Tinge of Fear.

This is coming with a tinge of fear. Fear that letting yourself deep and hard into it will make you also fall out hard.

2011-12-11T00:22:00.003+08:00

The Start of Something New?

A new chapter began, a week ago. It's nice.

Let's give it a shot and see what it leads to.

2011-09-29T00:13:00.005+08:00

A Late Night.

Can't sleep yet 'cause I got home slightly after 11 from a farewell dinner for an ex-colleague. A couple of things on my mind while I'm trying to cool off before going to bed. This is a good avenue to mention them.

1. We presented to a potential client this morning. Of which, I sent the deck to my boss last evening for him to look through and prepare, since he and the creative guy would be presenting. But knowing how things can go wrong, I took time this morning to mentally rehearse, just in case everything goes wrong. Everything went okay though, boss presented the front parts, the creative guys on the creative parts. Until the end of the presentation which required some explaining on the campaign audit, my boss gave me the eye, nodding as though asking me to present those. I went ahead. Although not as smooth as my golden toastmaster days, I think it was okay since I didn't really rehearse. I didn't bull shit, I spoke logically. Thank god for impromptu speaking skill training from table topics.

Bro thinks that boss chut stunt, mum thinks that da boss is just testing water to see if I did my homework. Of course I did lah... For one, I cannot not know what's going on since I'm one of the project owners. Two, obviously I can't let everyone and my agency look bad in front of the client right? I really wonder what is the agenda behind it. But we will know in time. We shall see.

2. One of my clients resigned and will be leaving this week. She isn't the nicest or easiest client around. We started off not on a very good note. But among those were good periods of working relationship that got things moving.

I sent her a personal note wishing her all the best, and of course nice things. No white washing, I wrote with sincerity, it was not a cut and paste note from the net. I thought that it's just being nice on my part and a formality.

Boss calls me a drama queen, but I bet somewhere in you know that I did the right thing. Everyone I mentioned this to, agrees.

I guess that's why we say, project management is about doing things right, leadership is about doing the right things.

2011-09-03T22:30:00.002+08:00

Topsy Turvy.

I survived my 6 months. Things are changing however. When I was super duper swarmed one week, one of my major projects was diverted to another person while I handled another account. Since then, the new client who didn't exactly get her way does not want to work with me anymore, most probably perhaps I'm "stricter with her", as my boss puts it. We had a conflict the moment she took over the account, and I didn't really give in. Even with new ads, she prefers that my partner-in-crime takes over for "one point of contact". Boss says to let it go and remarked that I should be happy not having to work with her. Told me not to kill myself and participate in other stuff instead. Well, all her other colleagues have the one point of contact - me, except her. Oh well, whatever. Guess I just have to go with the flow, help out with a pitch and learn more stuff.

A copywriter tendered her resignation two weeks ago. Last that I heard today, da boss hasn't found a suitable replacement. There are a few things that can happen:

1. Work is diverted to the other writers.
2. Boss does it himself. (Which he wouldn't have time to vet some tons of ads a day.)
3. Grab someone who has writing experience to help out.

That someone could jolly well be me. I'm a little worried that it would be me. I really don't wanna write anymore, although some copyvetting is still fine, if I'm not busy.

Let's just wait and see. Meanwhile, I have fallen victim to viruses. Runny nose, sneezing, sore throat, body aches. Can't afford a MC in the next 4 weeks - crunch time. How?

2011-08-15T21:30:00.002+08:00

Frustration Vent Required.

Don't say I agreed to something when I did not.
You are putting words in my mouth and being unethical.

Don't try and play dirty and put the blame on us.
When you are the one who can't do project management.

If you committed something internally and can't deliver, don't point fingers at us.
We did not commit/agree to a time in the first place.

If you can't take no for an answer, too bad.
Because I don't have to agree with you.

If you can't manage a project, I feel sorry for you.
Especially if you are new, and trying hard not to screw up.

I never had such problems with your colleagues before.
So when it happens when you come in, then we don't have to say very much what's wrong.

Be defensive all you want, the world is looking.

I won't play punk and screw up stuff for you, but please at least be ethical.

2011-08-15T14:56:00.002+08:00

People of all sorts.

One of my clients is going on maternity leave. This other lady took over, and she's just downright...

I'm not your subordinate, I don't report to you, you don't pay me, neither do you pay for our services, so don't speak to me as if I'm working for you. I'm working with you.

Stop trying to assert your authority. We don't have to do what you want. Adapt to us, not we adapt to you, so F off.

2011-08-01T22:28:00.002+08:00

Sian.

I thought I could have a quiet day, but it turned out otherwise. Mr Boss had a finance deadline to meet and I was one of the two candidates to help him meet it. Rushed, did weird things like sending very carefully worded emails and finally got everything out by 2pm, which was post-lunch time. A macs lunch did make me feel a lil' better.

And thanks to crunch time, made an error in my quote. Feel so ambivalent doing such stuff. The emails made me feel and seem incompetent, and the error I made felt like I wasn't being my usual meticulous self. It's the same kind of feeling as I didn't do my best, and I'm feeling really bad about it.

I should learn to let go even more. Letting go has been one of the most difficult lessons to master since I was in school. I'm still learning to let go nowadays, and learning to let it go faster.

I hope this doesn't have to happen every month. ):

2011-07-30T12:48:00.002+08:00

Drained.

Just completed my fifth month. I have successfully taken over and handling what my predecessor used to helm, with some more added to my portfolio. My boss is "very pleased". I have no doubt. With the kind of difficult/troublesome/irritating clients I am awarded with, and the ability to manage them, I actually still can knock off on average at 7pm everyday. The trade off is exhaustion, praise and a promotion.

Now I actually don't mind taking on a new project, only if you take away the extra work that I'm doing for my client, which is supposed to be their job. The time can definitely be better used at servicing my other clients. Meanwhile, spare me. I'm almost filled to the brim day in day out. No more arrowing for a while, okay?

2011-07-24T22:44:00.004+08:00

All is okay.

Things are going okay. Work had its lull, so it's back to busy-ness. Not to mention I was "awarded" with a new troublesome account/client and given another account to manage. So hurray to 4 accounts - 3 troublesome ones, 1 unknown yet. Potentially another is coming, and I'm starting to wonder if I would be able to cope. I'd just have to give up one or the other if I can't juggle so many balls at the same time.

While this could translate to the boss thinking that I'm worthy of handling troublesome accounts or he thinks I'm capable of handling certain types of accounts, I hope he gives me more interesting ones, although I'm well coping with the boring/dry text-heavy ones. But I guess that's my contribution - taking up unpopular/troublesome/difficult-to-understand subject matter type of brands and accounts.

Having said all these, I appreciate the boss' efforts in backing me up against these clients. It's one of the main things that keep me going. If he had left me to die out there, I might not have survived. Let me take all these as part of my training and learning curve. I have always started out the difficult way, and enjoyed the sweetness of my efforts later. It should turn out to be the same for this time too.

2011-06-04T21:38:00.002+08:00

Workaholic?

I think I have the capability to turn into one. I work hard to make sure I clear my things for the day, and prepare for any urgent stuff that is due the next day. Can I leave it till the next day? Well, I'd rush like mad in the morning if I do so. That probably isn't called being a workaholic right? It's just being responsible for your work.

I guess being a workaholic means you check your work email even after work, from home, and on weekends. I should avoid that at all costs. But now that I know how to access my webmail...

I think my life is about 70% work, 30% for everything else. Now, am I a workaholic?

2011-05-28T15:03:00.003+08:00

Getting Rewarded.

And hard, hard work pays off. Got confirmed, got praised, got some rewards in return. Slogging for my projects were not wasted. Leaving office late almost everyday wasn't unrecognized. Anyway, mum and bro thinks that the reward is actually compensation for what I have been handling. But seriously, I do a lot more work than the others in comparison. I'm sure no one would trade their accounts for mine.

I leave office late, but have to still come in early the next day to continue slogging. People who leave earlier than me come in later than I do. My monthly billings go up to tens of thousands and I'm handling it all alone. So you can guess the amount of work I have on my shoulders.

I'm still happy anyway. The fall on the office steps (giving myself a bruise on my knee) didn't matter after getting the news. So taking up the unpopular,difficult accounts isn't that bad after all. It's a trade-off.

2011-05-17T12:00:00.003+08:00

Why?

Why do you say things like that?

It's not about comparison between yours and mine.

I'm getting sick of hearing such things from you day-in-day-out.

Because it really sucks and drains everything out of me.

Can you just... Argh.

2011-05-17T11:50:00.002+08:00

Last in the office, again.

Oh damn public holiday. It had to fall on the eve of my weekly meeting. Not helping when I have a meeting right smack in the afternoon, with tons of stuff to clear. So work went on and on until 9pm, until there was only me and mr boss in the office left.

I was talking to my boss yesterday, and I told him that it seems the 2 accounts I'm servicing are very unpopular accounts. And he concurred, what others have been hearing about the accounts are scaring them off. Plus the never ending work with little time to breathe.

Seems like it's always the peak period for me. I hope the lull comes soon, just two days, two days would be nice.

But work's okay, not being a bitch. I'm actually feeling good about work despite the busy-ness. :)

2011-05-11T22:05:00.002+08:00

Work.

Work has been:

- Okay, it's just a job.

- Busy, but thank god for the help from boss.

- Tiring, I easily fall asleep every night.

- Making me look haggard from Wednesday onwards. I look fresh on Monday and it goes downhill until the weekend, and it all sets in again on Wednesday.

Been working non-stop while in the office, there is really no time to breath sometimes. Even the breather has to cut short over lunch to hit back the office earlier to clear my work.

I was slogging yesterday night till 9+ to prepare for a meeting today. Last person in the office, I hope it doesn't become a norm. And it was nice to get an appreciation message for slogging it out. It doesn't take a lot to type a few nice words but it really can make a difference. So yup, you are welcome. :D I'll do what's within my ability.

2011-04-28T23:58:00.001+08:00

Things Taking A Turn.

Well, I have been reshuffled to another team. Boss is giving support by heading the accounts I'm servicing. So things have been going okay.

Good to know that the boss backs you up and not leave you to die. Work is much easier now, really.

I'm not depressed about work anymore.

2011-04-17T13:39:00.002+08:00

The Discussion.

I was having a heart-to-heart talk with mum and brother. They were concerned about me being too scared to go to work. So was I. Doesn't help when the blood pressure shot up to pre-hypertension levels.

The discussion was about looking within myself to seek what I really want. Seems like I was always focusing on what's greener on the other side, and what's not green on my side.

My brother asked me to think back to see why I left my previous job, and why I wanted my current so much at that point. My reasons were: previous job was too boring and mundane. Current job would give me the exposure and variety.

If I wanted to go back to teaching, then I'd be back at square one - going through the routine and mundane stuff everyday. If I wanted the variety, then I would have to put up with all the shit that comes with it, which is what is making me rethink. Would I want to live the routine mundane life or swim through shit everyday? Looking back, while teaching was boring, I didn't drag myself to work. My current job is however, making me drag myself to work everyday.

I was also told that work is unlike school, things are not perfect, and I just gotta accept it. And everywhere I go, there's bound to be the baptism of fire (which I strongly believe is what I'm going through). If it's myself that I can't get pass, then no matter where I go, the same thing is gonna happen.

Questions to self:
- Do I see myself progressing in the advertising sector within the next few years?
Quite frankly, no. I don't see myself progressing to do business development...

- Do I see myself progressing in the education sector within the next few years?
Yes. I can see myself as someone who would be experienced enough then to guide new teachers.

2011-04-15T15:31:00.003+08:00

The Alarm Rings.

Things just exceeded my threshold. Just had to take the day off because I couldn't take it anymore. I don't care what people wanna say or are going to say.

I went in, in the morning looking forward to the end of the day. I went to lunch not wanting to go back, and the greatest relief came from going home. I woke up the next day not wanting to go in. Time just drags during those hours. I actually dream about work every night, which is scary.

I have heard this many times from you not to take things personally, but when things happen to a point where I'm always trying to look for ways to escape, or when I feel seriously scared whenever the phone rings or new emails come in, I seriously believe it's a warning sign.

How emotionally scarring can this get?

And I take back my words about surviving long here.

2011-04-12T21:57:00.002+08:00

Busy, Busy, Busy.

Okay, I wasn't expecting busy to be so busy. I'm just so swarmed now that I'm taking over whatever my partner's doing, because she's leaving.

Pros:
- Forces me to be independent and front the projects.
- Steep learning curve = Learn faster.
- Keeps my mind off other things.
- Puts me to sleep easily at night.

Cons:
- I'm really lethargic at the end of the day.
- I actually forget to go to the toilet. =x
- I'm having dinner at 8.45pm everyday this week.

Right, I've been told to flag when I can't cope - which is soon. Before I left today, I already have 8 things on my to-do list for tomorrow.

That's what you get for choosing this job. But I'm thankful I leave by 7-ish these days, and not after midnight.

This is when I could do with a little TLC.

2011-04-10T20:48:00.004+08:00

And I Knew It.

I knew I would feel like this yet I let it happen. I wanted it to happen and now I'm on an emotional roller coaster.

I guess I just gotta deal with it, or at least put up with the withdrawal symptoms until a week later.

And nope, I'm not on drugs.

2011-04-10T20:36:00.000+08:00

Dazed.

It must be the chemicals.

2011-04-03T22:52:00.002+08:00

End Of First Month

And I survived. I got impatient answers to my questions, got told off by a client, rubbed shoulders with other clients, had great rapport with a particular client, experienced many things for the first time. Tons of things to learn, with more to come.

In my first month, I've seen 5 people tender their resignation. About time since some have been there for 1.5 - 2 years. Plus, it's the hiring season, who wouldn't leave to a better opportunity or better pay, especially if they only treat this place as a stepping stone.

Of the 5, one is my boss and the other my partner. In short, I'm the only one left in the team. Well, time to step up and download as much as I can.

It's Monday tomorrow, but no Monday blues yet. I think I will survive long here.

2011-03-13T21:08:00.003+08:00

End of Second Week.

And I survived. It was quite quiet- and smooth-sailing. I've been told to enjoy this while I can, because they don't dump everything on a newbie. I'm thankful for it, but I'm bored. Sometimes I'm just left to surf the net since I really got nothing on my hands.

Thank goodness stuff started to come in during the second week. At least I have something to do. Third week is upcoming, and I look forward to work everyday. At least for now. I don't know in a couple of weeks' time. Haha.

It's Monday tomorrow, yeah.

2011-03-05T23:07:00.002+08:00

The Beginning.

Started afresh. Survived my first week. Kinda bored actually 'cause there's nothing much to do at the moment. All's going slow since I'm given a lot of time to pick up stuff. Generous superior. Glad to be in his team. Hohoho. Not so sure about the person coaching me though. She seems to however, be doing incorrect things here and there.

Lovin' the place so far, except the three air-con vents in close proximity to one another, just above my table. Horribly wintry cold. On my first day, I had to pee every 40 minutes and I couldn't even finish my bottle of water. Well, people do wear winter jackets and drape in blankets and walk around. So it's seriously cold okay? And yay to corner seat. I'm in some corner where nobody can see my computer screen until he/she walks to my desk.

On my first day, I already had an external meeting. Wasn't as intimidating as I thought.

Been told to enjoy my time now, and been told that I'm doing better than most others my boss knows. So all should turn out fine. *Fingers crossed*

2011-02-27T17:56:00.002+08:00

The End.

And that was it. No can't-bear-to-leave feelings, no sadness. In fact, I was really happy when the clock struck 5 pm. I was still dreading the morning and afternoon naggings and the bloody beach excursion. Had to maximize my presence right? Roar. It was quite fun nonetheless. The kiddos listened and didn't run away to drown themselves. Hahaha.

Finally, no more nagging, no more washing, no more kids. HAHAHA. I gave out farewell goodie bags to everyone, and everyone was happy. Yay. Goodbye children. Hello my dear fast-paced world once again.

2011-02-10T21:03:00.004+08:00

Evil Viruses.

Ever since I stepped into this job that I'm finally leaving, I have been falling sick every 3 weeks or so without fail. I have no idea why since I sleep enough, eat better and move around much more compared to my previous sedentary and unhealthy lifestyle. Even irregular hours didn't make me fall sick so frequently. I guess the immune system is just defenseless against close and direct contact with viruses. Doesn't help when children cough in your face, or when you have to wipe their mucus for them.

Sometimes, I think it's fated that I leave this place. Too many triggers.

Well, I'm just happy for the long weekend. But a long weekend nursing an illness is no fun. :(

2011-02-03T12:45:00.003+08:00

Happy Chinese New Year!

So fast, so quick. I still remember New Year's eve last year, I was in the office with my ex-colleagues having a feast before flying off to KL to visit the relatives.

This year, the New Year was spent with me feeling thankful that progress has happened, at least in my career.

Well, later I'm heading to visit my Grandma's. Haven't gone back in about 8 years. Time to revisit the cousins, the uncles and aunts. I miss the silver swing at my Grandma's. It's still there. (:

HUAT AH!

2011-02-02T21:55:00.001+08:00

Upcoming Changes.

Things are taking a turn. Looking forward to March.

Glad that things are happening, for the better.

2011-01-06T22:55:00.002+08:00

Nicely Done.

Nice person. Nice dinner. Nice chat. Nice ambience. Nice chillin' out.

Nice feeling.

It would be too demanding to ask for more. (:

2011-01-04T23:30:00.002+08:00

Too Free.

I think I'm too free nowadays. That gives me ample time to think, especially about things that don't need my attention. It's making me paranoid. When I was busy, I was too busy to think about anything, whether important or not. Haha. Everything was decided almost on the spur of the moment. So I think busy is good. Doesn't give you the chance to think too much.

I hope to return to the busy-ness soon. What I'm doing now is too slow-paced. B.O.R.I.N.G.

Ok, keeping my fingers (and toes) crossed.

2011-01-03T22:56:00.002+08:00

Love-Hate.

Argh, hate this feeling. Butterflies in my tummy - Not flying in formation.

But sometimes you miss having this feeling after so long.

2011-01-02T14:12:00.000+08:00

I have a good feeling about this. (:

2011-01-02T14:01:00.003+08:00

Back.

After a vacation from blogging, I'm back. Facebook's taking the time away. And there's status updates. So blogging is just an extended affair.

Things are going okay. I'm not unemployed, so that's something to be thankful for. But I'm not in the job I wanna be in. Taking steps to correct that. Just hope that it happens soon.

Much of 2010 was spent copywriting. Was spending more time at work than at home, with insufficient sleep day in day out. Still, the industry has its perks. The freedom especially.

Nothing juicy about love life this 2010. No relationships, no flings. Haha. Was enslaved to my job. Had the occasional dates and that was it.

Hosted a few barbeques, a get-together or two at home where everybody just eats, drinks and be merry!

New year resolution: Get into another job.

2010-10-24T01:26:00.004+08:00

One of my Firsts

Today I accompanied mum to watch Fong Fei Fei's world concert tour. Hmm, singer of my mum's generation but I like her songs too. Tonight was my mum and mine's first live concert at the indoor stadium. At a point in time, I thought I'd never be able to afford concerts as such, but today came the day. I was glad that mum enjoyed it.

Throughout the concert, what the singer said and sang made me think, and gave me mixed emotions. The 56-year-old diva looked back to when she started her singing career, and reflected on what can make her tear and laugh the most. It was singing on stage. So every chance at performing on stage, she would do it most sincerely, to the best of her ability. She told herself to persevere no matter how hard the journey, because one day, she will succeed if she pressed on. There she is, holding world tours into her fifties.

That, made me think about my career. Would I get into something that I really enjoying doing with great passion? Something that can make me feel so strongly about to move myself to tears or to laugh in delight. I'm not sure. But I'm sure I'm not in the right career at this point in time.

For a singer, the sense of satisfaction I believe, comes from the applause and the support of her fans. When she sang her finale piece, she teared. Well, she tears without fail every time she sings that song. And I fully understand why. Because it has the ability to make me tear too.

What can give me the sense of satisfaction equivalent to this? I don't know. It probably took Fong maybe a decade to find that. I wonder how long in my case, stuck in the rat race.

Concerts as such always in turn make me think about my situation. I think concerts like that are inspirational and motivational. Lookin' forward to the next one in December.

Meanwhile, the hunt begins again.

2010-10-17T23:20:00.002+08:00

Brand New Chapter

It all begins with day one once more. New job, new life, hopefully my next career. I'm kinda excited, not all hyper but can't get to sleep. But it's also a "trial" to see if I am really in for this, thank god for the 3-month probation first. Otherwise, it's a direct 2-year bond.

Glad that it's only 20 minutes away, with meals provided.

Clothes bought, ironed and matched, nothing to prepare, just me and the kids tomorrow.

Everything will be fine.

2010-10-16T23:30:00.003+08:00

KL Escapade

So I went on a 5-day trip to KL. Purely for rest and relaxation, and to shop for clothes for my new job. Missions accomplished. Had tons to eat, tons of rest and bought a week's worth of working clothes. Played, sang and shopped with my little 2-year-old nephew Matthew.

The weather was horribly hot though. At one point, it hit 36 degrees in the afternoon. We couldn't take it and had to drive out to the nearby shophouse for a bowl of Taiwan ice dessert. Thank god for air con, fan and ice.

Tried roti planta for the first time over supper. Liked it although super duper sinful. Simply delicious. A simple dish that makes the taste buds happy. It was just plain prata with melted planta in it. Missing it already.

Was just weird that I felt tired around 11-ish every night. Must be the day spent on walking and shopping and playing pretend with Matthew.

But all was nice. Trips to KL are always fun. (:

2010-10-07T14:38:00.002+08:00

And It's Over.

It's adieus to copywriting for good, to what I hope will be my career. I gave myself a chance and gave it a shot in advertising, not for me. Keeping my fingers crossed the next path would be right - or at least it has to be for the next two years.

What I miss most are my colleagues - they are a great bunch. I know they miss me too. Haha. It's just like we bonded and got really close, then I leave. Oh well. Part and parcel of life. While there were many instances of work and OT that I didn't enjoy (duh, who enjoys work), I have to admit that I learnt a lot during my 10-month stint in the agency - people skills especially.

It's good to take a break before moving on. It's a well-deserved break, haven't rested since I started. Good bye to OTs, one liners, job briefs, long hours and agency life. I probably won't exactly miss you - just prolly days when I can go to work looking like a zombie and nobody cares.

2010-09-12T22:40:00.001+08:00

Passion

Had a chat with a friend lately and found out she too, followed her passion.

I'm happy for her, and she's happy for me.

16 more days.

2010-09-08T22:12:00.003+08:00

Regaining my glow and my mane.

Hopefully next month I'd regain my glow, my shine and my mane.

Been losing hair, energy and the healthy glow.

So exhausted here.

But that's gonna change. And I'm glad it's going to.

Such a relieve.

2010-09-08T21:35:00.000+08:00

It Happened.

And it's good news. Finally.

Just waiting. 18 days.

2010-09-02T13:48:00.001+08:00

Transiting Transition.

In the midst of a transiting transition. Waiting, waiting, waiting...

Let the better news come next!

2010-08-22T23:00:00.001+08:00

Dread, Pain and Hope.

It's getting dreadful once more.

It's painful to dread going to work.

But hope is coming.

*Fingers crossed*

2010-08-11T23:43:00.003+08:00

Love-Hate

I'm miserable. Miserable when I have nothing to do because I feel useless. Miserable when I have something to do from the pressures of exemplary standards required and the extra hours needed. Miserable because I reach home later. Miserable because I hate agency life. Yet love it when my ideas get recognized or praised. Oh WTF.

Suddenly the feeling turns from hate to love then to hate the next moment. Argh.

Yes, yes. Come to terms with it right. Yeah, I also want to lor. Such a pain in the arse.

2010-08-07T15:15:00.003+08:00

My Student (with teeth!)

It was back to tutoring a k2 student I taught last year after a 7 month hiatus. She's in primary one now. Glad to see how well she is doing - excellent reader for her age, recognizes words like nobody's business!

So easy and fun to teach. (: And her front two teeth has grown out now. :D So cute.

Great way to start a Saturday morning!

2010-08-05T23:23:00.002+08:00

Leap of Faith (or...)

I was talking to a friend last night, and then my brother this morning (more like a SMS conversation). Seems like what I intend to do, is not so bad after all! Finally I get to move on to something I like doing, enjoy doing and will earn me money as I do it.

Just that this not-exactly leap of faith won't happen so soon due to timing factors. Oh, persevere persevere and persevere. I will get through this!

2010-08-04T21:59:00.003+08:00

Unhappiness.

As much as I try to be happy at work, things just happen and throws me overboard. I have a list of 22 things to be grateful for at work, but it doesn't work. Maybe this is really not the place for me.

The public sector seems like the greener pasture, with more job stability although the threat of retrenchment still lingers.

I'm clueless.

Of course, it doesn't help when some people with zero or negative EQ bugs you like nobody's business. IMMATURE!

2010-08-03T23:15:00.002+08:00

Work (yes work again.)

I have temporarily decided to stay in my job for a while, and on one night, my sixth sense told me to pay job sites a visit. Ta-da! Saw my company advertising for my position. So, there are three possibilities:

1) The other writer is leaving.
2) I will be asked to leave.
3) We are expanding.

Option one is quite probable judging from the long sleeve shirts he has been wearing the past weeks and the many openings at other companies. When I sounded him out, he didn't answer my question, so who knows?

Option 2 is also possible, in my company, job security level quite low, even after you pass your probation, you might be asked to leave anytime.

Option 3 quite out of the question since we got nothing to much to these two months. There's nothing I can do now, just wait and see, since the boss will give advance notice if I have to go.

And today, the boss called for a meeting to talk about people coming in late. Our official hours require us to step in before 10am (quite a luxurious time), but some have been coming in at 10.30am. Yes, overboard definitely. Unless we stay late, we must be in before ten. And so, those who are perpetually late looked down when the boss spoke. Thereafter, showed black faces.

If you were wrong in the first place, then face the music. Why be so unhappy about it?

Work has been pretty frustrating, some people don't cooperate, affecting the team and teamwork. Maybe teamwork does not mean much to them. I'm not sure.

I'm constantly thinking whether I should really stay... Let me not make a hasty decision, and ponder for a while more first.

2010-07-25T23:52:00.002+08:00

Update.

And so all the previous rants of wanting to leave, I've decided to stay. At least for a while more. I will be patient and exercise my list of gratitudes everyday so I survive, and be happy.

I want to blog more, but sometimes I just wanna sleep and blog tomorrow.

Anyways, 3rd funeral in a year. Argh, the natural cycle of life and death. Mum's elder bro passed away, so flying off for a day to pay my last respects.

My eyes are tired. *.* Good night.

2010-07-15T00:02:00.002+08:00

Attempt to Post

I thought it was not as late as I thought, but my thoughts were shattered when I rolled my eyeballs to see the clock on my laptop. Bah, what the heck, I thought I'd just blog a little to keep the cobwebs away.

I'm still there, in my job, haven't hopped. Taking every opportunity I've got to make the hop. I hope the hop comes soon.

The tint of happiness/satisfaction in this job comes from a feeling. A feeling that only people can give me, and it's not within my control. Need to break away from that. Am I making sense to you? Just has to when I re-read this. You can skip this paragraph.

So eager, so eager to hop hop hop.

2010-07-06T23:36:00.004+08:00

The Weekend Loot from JB

Over the weekend that just passed, Mum and I went to JB to shop once again. Of course we brought the Husky Wolf and the Elf along this time, since they haven't gone there before...

It was a shop till we drop session for mum and me. In total, I spent RM150-ish on my stuff. Considering how much I bought, it's definitely worth it.

The LOOT in plastic bags!

THE LOOT REVEALED! MUAHAHAHA.

2010-07-06T23:26:00.004+08:00

Recent Happenings with the Bestie!

After a hiatus of two weekends or so, we finally met up. First up to a karaoke session at Party World!

There, meet the bestie!

Then while I was singing a rather sad song, the bestie took a picture of me, somemore ask me why my face so 苦...

So posed one smiling one for her lah.

Then over the next weekend, we conquered Wild Wild Wet! Not bad considering how small it is. We were both tanned. And the bestie got sick the next day. -_-

More bonding with the bestie. Speaking of that, Miss Darling Serene has been missing out. She's back but still we don't hear or see her. Oh well...

2010-06-21T00:32:00.003+08:00

Decisions, Decisions.

And the decision's been made. I'm moving on! Hopefully news comes in tomorrow. *Cross fingers*

I am feeling so depressed and blue that I think sooner or later, I'd fall into depression. Time to go.

Retreat was awesome today. Shared innermost feelings probably hidden for half a year or so. Got to know people better, and it's great to be back in Toastmasters and meeting old and new friends again.

It's back to work tomorrow, blue but I think the thing to look forward to is meeting the nice colleagues who will slog the day together with you. That is what keeps me going at the moment.

2010-06-14T22:46:00.002+08:00

Trust

It's really quite hard to trust somebody once the person has broken it not only once, but twice, trice and even more. I really want to learn to trust her once more, but I just can't bring myself to do it.

It's tough. I think you know it too.

2010-06-13T21:10:00.004+08:00

The Brand Training

Over Thursday and Friday, I was picked to attend a brand training at Botanic Gardens by a company. Only one person per agency could attend. Since I was the copywriter doing that particular account, there was no better candidate than myself to go. Prior to the training, there were 3 assignments - pretty easy ones: just to read case studies, and to prepare some text I have written before and bring it along with me.

Tired out the night before, I arrived at 8.10am, with droopy eyes, waiting for it to start. In short, the front portions were boring with the dry stuff, but the fun parts came in when we had to work together in groups to "practise" what we were "taught".

So there, I mingled among the employees, learnt new stuff, and had a fruitful first day. Over dinner, I managed to rub shoulders with directors from all over the APAC and US region and the marcomms people. Neat.

I was sitting through presentations throughout the 2nd day, albeit dry but critical stuff we needed to know and understand. I'm glad I did not skip it at all, I wasn't intending to anyway. Haha.

But yeah, I realized this was a rare opportunity for me to be there since you don't really get the chance to be part of something so major like that in your entire career. So to be able to get such exposure so young, I felt really lucky. Even the director of marketing for apac said that it is rare to experience something like that in her career.

Hmm, I'm inspired and motivated after this event. (:

Oh, and something I came across at Botanic Gardens while walking out to the bus stop on Friday afternoon after the brand training, on my way to the PC show.

2010-06-06T00:30:00.003+08:00

The Working Life So Far...

Sucks! Hate hate hate waking up at 8am, and reaching home at 8.15pm from Monday to Fridays. Worse when OTs are needed. Don't like working, hate working, detest working.

I want work life balance! And that seems pretty impossible in Singapore. Look at what they have done to teachers. If they go down, our "pillars of the future" would be going down too. Haha.

Anyway. I'm still in my current-sucky-sometimes-require-long-hours job. I'm starting to drag myself to work everyday. Argh. I wanna LEAVE-TENDER-RESIGN-LOOK FOR A BETTER JOB.

Ok, enough sad. You know how working's life like. The only good things are weekends and salary.

2010-06-06T00:24:00.003+08:00

The Loot From Last Week's JB Shopping Trip!

And here it is... everything squeezed into two bags! Must bring your own sturdier bag, their plastic bags tear easily. -_- Especially if you got snack bags with sharp ends.

The loot revealed! As always, the snacks dominate!

I love shopping. (:

2010-05-29T01:32:00.002+08:00

The Break from Blogging

I don't really like to blog after work. Thinking about what to write, and typing reminds me of work. And there's this occupational hazard of typing everything grammatically correct in the best words possible ever.

Anyway, it's a long weekend and something prompted me to blog. I understand why I'm called Miss Goody Two Shoes now, 'cause I'm the guai guai girl - no piercings, don't smoke, don't drink, no tattoos, don't club. But of course my group of friends are like that too. Haha. I guess birds of the same feather flock together.

I'm tired, going shopping tomorrow. Bye.

2010-05-27T00:42:00.002+08:00

So...

I'm still in my current job! Haha. I'm a survivor. Surviving as days dread by. But getting more positive along the way. Talks with a Toastmaster friend always help.

I hope to move on. Soon. Meanwhile, I'm back in action at Toastmasters. My job ain't doing any good to my speaking skills, I'm actually starting to stutter. So gotta polish it back up!

2010-04-18T20:36:00.002+08:00

Considerations

I think I might have made a wrong choice. I am dreading work!

Maybe... It's not for me.

2010-04-17T23:50:00.003+08:00

As Predicted.

Here I am, blogging on a Saturday night. Well, the good news is I am now confirmed as a permanent staff. On my first official day, I slogged till 4.20am. This kinda celebration for my first official day definitely is not what I would like, but oh well.

I was slaving for 2 pitches which were due on the same day. Needless to say, the art director I paired up with had to stay back even later than I needed to. Oh, and remember my last blog post, I talked about him going to give no ideas? I was wrong about it. He had a decent idea and we went along with it. Let's see how things go from here.

So on Friday, the boss treated us to dinner. His budget was $50-60 per person. We were at Harry's bar at Esplanade and yeah, it was a good meal. But there's this underlying worry. After something good, much more work is gonna pour in. Like how we were rewarded with a company trip to KL but when we went back to the next day, everyone had to work OT. This time round, I wonder that's coming...

I believe that while such treats are essential, words of praise and appreciation work the best. Bosses don't have to give treats all the time. Just a short meeting to appreciate the effort and hard work put in would do. It's demoralizing to slog till the wee hours and when the bosses see you, they say nothing at all. But I've come to realize that bosses are humans too. They, too make mistakes. And one such mistake that should not be made is the absence of praise or appreciation. A few words of appreciation would boost morale and you can expect better work the next time. But duh.

It's okay though. If they want it to be like that, then I guess we could all think like that - I work for you, you give me the money. And how long would you expect your employees to stay? Not long. So good luck people.

2010-04-12T00:27:00.002+08:00

Can't Help But Worry.

There are 2 new jobs to begin on Monday (officially now). I'm worried. After what I've seen with a potentially screwed up 70k job, I'm even more worried than ever. I didn't screw up. I helped to secure the 70k job with my liner. But the design this time round... Sighs.

I'm only the writer, I give you the lines. You, as the art person, should know how to execute the job. Don't need me to tell you how the design should look like right?

I know I shouldn't be worrying about what I can't have control over. But when I'm part of the job, how to not worry? I'm starting to brainstorm myself at 11-ish on a Sunday night. I hope it'll at least save your ass tomorrow during the brainstorming session. I'll only do what's within my scope and ability. Hope things turn out fine tomorrow.

2010-04-09T23:19:00.002+08:00

Eek!

Aye, and when I'm here, another 5 days have gone by. This week has been pre-hell-ish, and I expect next week to be miserably worse. And it doesn't really help when a newbie like me is paired up with a CMI director. He is potentially screwing up a 70k job. *Shakes head*

A friend asked me what's up with me nowadays. I did a simple calculation and this was what I told him: I spend about 15 hours in the office, 8 hours at home and 1 hour travelling (taking a cab takes half a hour from home to work and vice versa) on a bad day. On a rather normal day, I spend about 9 hours in the office, 3 hours travelling and 12 hours at home.

On bad days, 8 hours is purely spent on bathing and sleeping. On better days, 8 hours sleeping and 4 hours eating, bathing, watching tv and just sitting around. Aye, working life + advertising industry = no life + little sleep + dry eyes only half open.

Let's see how long more I can tahan. I reckon pretty much more now that I'm only in my early twenties. But mid-twenties is also coming soon.

Now, I don't feel like typing anymore. Let's see what's up for the weekend - sleep in on Saturday then babysit. Half day out on Sunday then it's back to work. WORK!!!

Readers, the next time I calculate I'm back here typing, it's Friday or Saturday.

2010-04-04T01:18:00.002+08:00

Yet Another Week.

So, another week whizzed past. And, another year zoomed past. I'm hitting my birthday in less than 2 weeks' time. I felt like I haven't lived my 22-year-old life and poof, 23 comes. Nowadays, I count the years when people ask me how old I am. Time is just passing too fast for me to catch up. Plus, with work - blah, time rockets even speedier than before!

No matter what, youth is still with me, for now. Gotta cherish, gotta live it while it's still here...

The weekend's coming to an end. How quick. But a long weekend means a rested weekend for me, at least I'm feeling rested so far. Had a nice Saturday with an Easter Egg Hunt the kiddos prepared for me. (:

I don't exactly look forward to Monday, but I'm kinda waiting for an answer. Let's see.

2010-03-28T22:42:00.002+08:00

A Shorter Week Ahead.

It's a 4-day work week! But I'm not dreading to work. That's a change for once. I'm looking forward to some news I hope I get to hear.

Random stuff:

1. I no longer get headaches from thinking so hard now. Yipee!

2. I bought 4 shirts of the same series from Bossini. New shirts! Whee!

3. Bought a 6-CD compilation of love songs. More variety in my iPod. :)

4. I feel like you are getting too close to me. I'm feeling uncomfortable. More space in between us please.

5. Nothing random that comes to mind at the moment.

Till next time I still got the energy and brain juice to blog.

2010-03-28T01:44:00.002+08:00

Happier

After I tweaked my mindset to concentrate on the positive things at work, things have changed for the better. I'm much happier, I'm better at what I'm doing, I got praised for improvement. Positive change, yes indeed. I'm smiling more, talking more and just enjoying what I'm doing for money.

More positive things will come my way. Just like how, although we didn't get the pitch for external communications, we got the internal one, and they used my line. Hell, my one-liner is going global. Freaking cool!

2010-03-14T23:45:00.002+08:00

Where Do We Go From Here?

I'm not sure what's my calling in life, but I'm in the midst of searching. I don't want my life to just revolve around Monday blues, surviving the 5-day work week, enjoying the weekends, then back to work. Then get the salary, and that's the way to survive. Not how I want to lead my life for the next couple of decades.

So what's next? I don't want to dread going to work, at least I'm dreading it this coming week. I want to always look forward to work.

I'm lost. I can't see my ultimate destination. I need to see that so that I can plan my path. Otherwise, this is misery. Time to sit myself down to think about it, or time to be more conscious of things around me, to find that "destination".

Pretty deep, yeah I know. But I don't want to be just working for the sake of working, lead through life the usual way everyone does and that's it. Argh, life can be so frustrating after school.

2010-03-14T00:36:00.003+08:00

Occupation Stuff

I read and write so much at work, that I don't feel like doing any of it when I'm at home. Not even newspapers or storybooks or magazines or whatever.

It takes up a lot of concentration to think deep and write. I just want that mental break. Blogging reminds me of work. :(

If I had a choice, I'd move to become editorial assistant of a magazine. Less deep on the thinking, more space and words for me to use to express my thoughts.

Oh, let's see how it goes.

2010-03-10T23:18:00.003+08:00

Reflections For The Day

The day started out pretty nicely, except for the fact that I didn't get enough sleep the night before. But when I was reminded of the pitch, I suddenly felt under-appreciated and demoralized over the entire incident because my effort was not recognized. I managed to get over it, and realize that I have no control over wanting someone to recognize my effort. Then I began to thank for the opportunity to be involved, for this marketing person to like my idea and I'm glad that my idea has the opportunity to be seen worldwide.

Next, a new job came in for me. Tough one because it's full of technical jargon, and it's something totally new. Yet, now I'm more knowledgeable in wireless network solutions, which I'm pretty impressed with myself for being able to grasp the concept so fast.

Today was International Speech & Table Topics Contest at Toastmasters. I kinda regretted not going. But I was put in another situation to understand certain things, and be enlightened by some things.

I shall stop doing something I'm currently doing, because I think it's morally wrong. And hey, I need more time for Toastmasters. My positive energy gets drained by the day. There's only so much you can do, there's only so much I can do to cultivate the habit of being positive everyday. I need that recharge too.

2010-03-07T22:48:00.004+08:00

Being in Control and Being Positive

After a conversation, many realizations sunk in. Sometimes being in control doesn't mean having the power to make decisions, but rather the freedom to make a personal choice such that I am in control.

Being positive is also about focusing on the things I have control over. Not over things I have no control over. Like being upset over how some people do certain stupid things.

It's time to find my purpose in life. Maybe I've found it, but I need to reaffirm it. Then it'd be time to make new decisions. (:

2010-03-07T01:33:00.003+08:00

Pretty Glad.

I was glad you came out despite your throbbing headache. I appreciate that. And I seriously wonder how you stay that chirpy with the "hammer" constantly hitting into your skull.

Just a little disappointed that it had to end earlier. Nonetheless, I had a relatively good time although it was short. It's ok. I hope over the next one, you'd be refreshed, more.

2010-03-06T00:05:00.002+08:00

So...

2 months into the job. I feel exasperated, not-valued, insignificant, sideline, unappreciated. Especially after a particular trigger.

Where's there left for me to stay? There are actually. Just that I'm wondering if it's worth the opportunity costs.

A colleague has been asked to leave. A colleague is leaving. A colleague is planning to leave. Blah. People that I have bonded with during our KL company trip. Oh well. Change is the only constant, right?

It was nice having dinner today. Well, the chat was nicer. There's just something that clicks. Ah, just had a nice time. Sitting and chatting over things.

It's Friday. Time for some well-deserved rest.

2010-02-21T23:47:00.003+08:00

The Date

Nope. Not that type. Just a dinner date. More specifically to pass him his birthday present that I got. But when it was about time to meet, it rained. It slightly dampened the spirit as we waited opposite Heeren for the rain to lighten with a cuppa coffee. (I don't drink coffee, he drank.) Then problem solved after a cuppa coffee with an expensive not-really-working 7-eleven umbrella that brought us to our eating place. That was when the conversation really started.

At least that lightened the atmosphere. It doesn't help much when I take a longer time to warm up to people as well. But it proceeded well. This gentlemen sent me home (not to the door step 'cause that would be too much) even though he lives on quite the other side of the island.

In any case, the weekend has ended. Back to work. Oh Monday, you are always so punctual.

2010-02-18T16:33:00.005+08:00

Gong Xi Gong Xi

As usual, CNY was spent over in Malaysia with the relatives. No questions about boyfriend or job. Yay. Gambling could last a straight stretch of 5 hours. Nett profit: negative RM4.

Was just sickening that the lack of sleep during pre-cny caused the cough to come on the 2nd day, which affected my singing performance at the karaoke session at night. Oh bother. But what the heck, it was all in good fun.

It was back to work yesterday. A slow relaxing day. Bosses not around, colleagues on leave, our firm is known to be "closed for cny" till next week. But today? I called in sick because I am coughing really badly. Woke up at 7am with a throbbing headache. Saw the doc, doc says to avoid fried foods. Why? Chinese New Year is all about the unhealthy foods! It's ok. I shall eat my medicine like an angel and recover quickly to indulge.

Hate the side effects of antibiotics. They bloody make my hands tremble. Irritating meds. Blah. A day's rest before surviving the Friday tomorrow and then yayness to the weekends!

2010-02-04T23:09:00.003+08:00

Completion

Today I went to collect my transcript and certificate of my degree. When I sat on the bus, holding the envelope in my hands, I was suddenly filled with emotions. Flashbacks of how I endured lessons while tutoring almost about full time, how I sacrificed my weekends, and the days when I was back at OCU, roaming the campus in the wintry weather.

The effort put into readings, quizzes, assignments and exams paid off. I graduated with a high GPA with nice grades.

So close to 17 years of education, completed for now. A little reluctant to just let it go like that. But I guess everyone moves on in life. First major aim in life completed. Next to come... career...!

2010-01-31T00:56:00.002+08:00

Questions...

Why are there always shitty people anywhere? They really suck the patience outta you.

Why must we work a 5-day work week? Why can't it be 4 days?

How do we go about deciding our career path without leaving much room for regrets?

Shall I continue what I'm doing or move on?

How do you know if you truly enjoy what you are doing when nothing enjoyable goes on?

Why is it so hard to make certain decisions?

2010-01-24T23:13:00.002+08:00

Reminders

Somehow, little reminders around us come again and again. For some reason, I have been constantly reminded of my passion for the performing arts. I was a dancer for 3 years in primary school, then a saxophonist for 6 years straight from secondary school to junior college. The performer in me then just ceased, with me being an occasional audience to performances.

I miss those times when I was totally immersed in music. No distractions, no other thoughts, just plain enjoying hitting the notes and creating melodies with the rest of the band members.

Then I discovered my passion for writing. Not as deep as how I felt towards music, but enough for me to get a job related to that. Without proper certifications in music, it's almost impossible to carve a career out of it really.

I wonder if it's some sort of calling. There's still that voice in me that says, "Go do what you always wanted to." That is - to pick up another instrument formally or continue playing the saxophone.

Sometimes, being torn between true passion and career is not such a nice feeling. Any advice anybody?

2010-01-24T00:45:00.003+08:00

Life Beyond Work.

I realized that my blog posts from pre-job hunt success to post-job hunt success has all been revolving work, work and work. Well, there's really nothing much going on besides the 5-day work week and a 2-day weekend to talk about. Over the weekend, one day is spent mostly at home resting and recuperating from the rush and stresses, and the other day reserved for a day out to town to shop. Toastmasters is even taking a break from my life, or rather I'm taking a break from Toastmasters.

Anyway, I've reached my one of my critical points in work. I wonder how it will progress. Shall update about that again.

Saturday just whizzed past. In fact, it's already Sunday. Oh please weekends, time needs to move slower on your days. See what I mean? Work - living for the weekend.

Never mind. I'm watching a movie tomorrow (Sunday) and shopping with my dearest mum.

2010-01-21T23:36:00.003+08:00

Hearing Stuff.

Today, I heard much more about my current workplace than any other time. How much should I take in? I take it with a pinch of salt. Anyway, it's just my first job. I'm just starting out. Just keep my mouth shut, listen and learn more. I should survive.

Tomorrow I'm looking forward to hear more, from the experienced colleagues. They are a nice bunch and we have good working relationships - one of the most important things to make work a better thing altogether.

It's Friday man. I live in weeks. I hope CNY comes sooner, so I can get my restful break.

2010-01-17T23:35:00.002+08:00

Record Timing

I left work at 3.50am (IN THE MORNING) on Friday, or rather Saturday morning. Blah. If I stay on, this might be just the very beginning. But I have been going home at 6.30pm to 7pm for the past two weeks. So... Just suck thumb and do work. Now this weekend feels so short.

Oh well. At least cab fare is claimable. Anyway, I'm already looking forward to next weekend, and to CNY.

Need. Vacation. Quick. Please.

2010-01-10T23:23:00.002+08:00

The End of a Weekend.

Sunday is soon bidding farewell. Monday is approaching. The rest days end, and the work days begin. Wow, such a surprise huh? Oh well, it's back to work tomorrow. There's this little reluctance to return but there's this little motivation to want to wrap up what I'm currently doing and await for the next project. It's a love-hate relationship with work. I guess everyone has those.

This weekend was spent purely on resting, babysitting and shopping. Usually, it's only shopping. I lead such an interesting life after work begun. Ok, I will stop being sarcastic.

I wonder what will happen if I am no longer wanted by my current company. Would I apply to the government sector or stay in the private sector where I'm not so protected? At least, it's harder to get sacked in the public sector if you work smart enough. Ok, I'm just speaking from what I know - so if you think otherwise, fine. But just let me rant. More updates on that when things really do happen.

Back to more brain cramps tomorrow...

2010-01-08T23:34:00.002+08:00

A Day At Work

Just another day at work... with the sights...

Here, besides the account people, everybody else uses a Mac. Well, did I mention that the memory is only 700+MB whereas mine is 4GB at home? You can imagine how 'fast' it is... Oh well, I hope for new machines soon.

The dog beside my desk. I think it was left behind by someone. But yeah, we have a dog!

Finally, a photoshoot in the office. When certain photos can't be found over the Internet, we shoot them ourselves. Haha, shan't disclose what is it for. But yeah, funny for sure.

Sometimes, little things like that makes the office more fun to be at.

2010-01-03T22:42:00.003+08:00

How Do You Know?

How do you know if you are doing okay or not?

Or if you are doing a good job when nothing is really said about it.

How do you know if the job is the right one for you?

How do you know if that is really your passion?

So far, I haven't really reached the stage of totally immersing in something that I really enjoy - say for example the days of playing the saxophone in the band. Very much different things I know. But the satisfaction from playing music... was something really dear to me. But for sure, pursuing a career in music now is a little too late, and it isn't something I intended to do.

Cross roads are tough. Making a decision and seeing if it works is tougher. I'm feeling so ambivalent.

2010-01-02T18:03:00.003+08:00

Goodbye 2009, Hello 2010.

Like previous years, here's a post dedicated to the arrival of a new year, and some reflections of 2009.

2009 saw the end of university-hood, Toastmasters president-ship and the beginning of a career. I was and still am reluctant to say bye to studying for now. It was a time I truly enjoyed what I was doing. Even more scary to know is how quick one year has passed. One year ago, I was just back from Oklahoma City, freezing myself in the wintry cold, shopping at Wal-mart and going to college - A true blue university which is over a century old. Today, I'm working my ass off.

2009 passed by a little too quick for my liking. But that's how life is. When you want something to pass faster, it never passes. When you want something to pass by slower, it rushes you through.

If you are interested in how my love life went by, well, it was really nothing much. One short relationship came and left, with almost no feelings hurt. I hope for something to come by this year though.

I have a piece of paper printed with a dream I always wanted to fulfill on my book shelf. It says to "Get into graduate school by 2011." I don't know if it'll come true. I'm held back by finances. Unless a scholarship comes by, it might not happen so soon. And, I don't know what my career holds for me. Maybe a year later, staying in the job might seem a better opportunity. But one thing I've always wanted to do was to work a couple of years overseas. We'll see how that can work out.

For now, I'm feeling hopeful in the year 2010. It was a good start that I got employed rather quickly since my job-hunt began. Now, more updates as and when I leave work early!

2010-01-02T17:44:00.008+08:00

The Twenty-O-Nine Christmas.

Last year, on Christmas Day, I was at Disney World in Orlando, Florida. This year, it took another turn - I spent it with my relatives in Malaysia. Since work life has taken off, I was working half day on Christmas eve. Hence, the decision to take a plane back...

I took a turbo-prop plane, and I survived. Here's me telling the tale...

I booked a Firefly flight, the community airline managed by Malaysian Airlines.

This is how the plane looks like...

I had to take pictures of it. My second time on a turbo prop plane. I was a tad worried whether it'd be safe. I couldn't sleep the night after I bought my plane ticket online, until I researched a little bit on the type of plane I was going to be on for 1 hour and 10 minutes to reach Malaysia.

I boarded the flight at the budget terminal. Like the rest of the budget airlines, I walked to the plane. You bet the noise from the propeller was horribly loud.

It seemed like I was the first to check-in, so I got the last seat right to the end. Well, you can only get up the plane from the back door, so yeah, first to get in, first to get out too. But last to get drinks. -_-

Seriously, it was very comfortable despite the 76 seater capacity. It had better leg space compared to Tiger Airways. And better crew of course. At least, nicer cabin crew. Oh, and you don't have to pay to check in your luggage, up to a maximum of 20kg's worth.

By the way, the plane can't fly above the clouds like the Boeing's do. So I had the view of the land the entire journey. The weather was good, so no turbulence! I heard that in bad weather conditions, the plane swings right to left!

So I safely arrived... at Subang Skypark - the airport that's much nearer to my relative's house. It just sucked that Malaysia no longer allowed the commercial planes to land at Subang after KLIA opened. But with Firefly flying there, more chances for plane rides!

So this was the amount of presents everyone was giving and receiving.

After a few nights, it was time to go home, though with much reluctance. Here am I back at the Subang Skypark, ready to go back home, to clean toilets as well.

At the departure gate...

Back home now, with a great impression of Firefly. I'm gonna fly on you again. Soon.

2009-12-23T23:25:00.002+08:00

Back to Blogging for a While.

It's the start of my second week at work. Besides my 4 deadlines yesterday, with everybody chasing me from all ends of the office, I left office at about 7 plus - not too bad. Tomorrow is half day and I'm looking forward to the end of it. Then it's time for a long weekend!
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I wonder how many times do we like things that are bad for us. I know something is not exactly the best for me, but I like it. It's definitely not in my best interest to pursue it. Dilemma dilemma.

It has been a long time since I felt this way. It's a love-hate feeling. It feels pretty good but it's sucky as well. Like that how?!?!?!

Anyway... Half day tomorrow and Christmas lunch!

2009-12-19T01:23:00.002+08:00

Four Freaking Days

4 days into the job and I feel like I've been there for 2 weeks. Nice. Things really get going, and there's a sense of satisfaction after delivering what is required within the deadline.

It was nice to leave office at 7.30-ish on my first two days. But yesterday, I only left at 11.45pm, and today was even better - last to leave with two of my colleagues at 12.20am. Hahaha. It's ok though, cab fare is claimable.

My eyes are swollen from millions of proof-reading, my brain is going berserk.

But I enjoy what I'm doing. (:

2009-12-13T21:17:00.003+08:00

Realizations...

I realized you don't need to be from any of the local universities to be on par when getting a job - that is if you are heading to the private sector. (If you want to go gahmen, then better go local U, ok?) They don't really care where you graduate from, they don't even look at your certs, or rather, don't even want to look at it. As long as you can do the job, they rope you in, and they pay you well. Do they even bother about how many A's you get? No.

So, I guess education only gives you the grounding/foundation of literacy and numeracy. Life skills, speaking skills, language skills, the EQ and whatever not taught in school, you just have to go through the school of hard knocks.

I've been through them, and they have polished me well. So to any of you out there who's upset about getting rejected by the local U's, don't bother. Sometimes, it could be for better experiences the others will never ever get. But, never never turn complacent. Hard work is still a necessity to get you to your ultimate goal in life.

2009-12-13T21:08:00.003+08:00

It's Always Wonderful...

- To know you are leaving the fire to the frying pan.

- To leave for greener pastures.

Need I say more?

2009-12-11T22:38:00.000+08:00

Finally!

Finally gotten somewhere!

More to come...

2009-12-10T21:27:00.001+08:00

The Number After Three...

Is four! My fourth chance came along. =D

Let's see how it goes...

2009-12-09T23:03:00.002+08:00

Another Day...

Just like that, another day has passed. Youth kinda don't last that long, time for something to happen. I can't let days pass like that anymore. But I guess there's always the waiting game to play. Sickening.

Blah, tomorrow is another day of monotony...

2009-12-08T22:33:00.002+08:00

And So...

- I finally bought my $9.90 jacket, which is worth leaving around in the office rather than risking another stain on my nike windbreaker.

- I'm less panicky about waiting. There's just this need to 'shop' even though you like the first thing that you see.

- It seems like my hair is thinning. Alright, this shouldn't cause enough stress to make me drop tons of hair. I want my mane.

- Exercise is way overdue. Give me time to swim or jog?

- I'm so sick of ______ that I'm contemplating quitting.

- The new apple magic mouse looks cool. Sold out apparently. Oh well.

- Watched couples' retreat over the last weekend. Pretty light show. Good to watch for entertainment. No violence/fights. No sex too. At least not explicit. Ha ha!

- Went to 313@Somerset. Nice place to explore but soon enough, you'll realize shops repeat in every mall. So irritating. Just visiting one major mall will fulfill your retail desires.

- I will come back when I think of more things.

2009-12-07T00:14:00.003+08:00

Short Weekend

This is one of the shortest weekends after I've started working full time. Saturday whizzed past, Sunday ended just like that after lunch, a movie, some shopping and getting settled back at home.

Actually, I'm kinda prepared for no weekends, no public holidays, no standard 8-5 working times, no regular meal times and many more sacrifices. But if it's a job that I have passion for, I guess all those won't matter that much.

I just need that "yes".

2009-12-04T23:11:00.002+08:00

Brain Juice

Never have I used so much creative juice in my life before. Today was madness. But I learnt a lot. I have had more insights. Refreshing to get those juices flowing again.

Time to move those paralysed creative stuff after being restricted for so long. This place, is seriously not where I should be.

2009-12-02T23:38:00.003+08:00

Today is the day!

Today someone reminded me that I still loved to blog - something I had forgotten for a while from the 830-6 culture. Today was amazingly great. I had a superb conversation with an interviewer. But the questions were tough. Not the usual interview questions you'd have expected. I hope this gets through. I really need something else other than my current thing. I was so drained after this 1-hour session that I didn't feel like talking anymore until dinner replenished my energy to speak once again.

Anyway, something needs to come along, quick, soon, fast.